I am in an intersting situation that I don’t normally encounter. I am in a town that seems heavily comprised of negative people. I ask myself, what is it in me that is seeing the negativity here? Is it from any point of view? Do I see with an idea that something else is better than what I am experiencing here? Am I thinking that the thoughts of the people I am with in Japan are somehow different, and that is what is telling me that something is negative here? I have gone over it and can see none of that here in me. So what is it that is negative and how can I know the difference?

It is not only the words I hear, although that is an easy place to start because it is so obvious. Negative statements are used so often, it seems to have become a part of punctuation. Instead of ending a sentence with a period or question mark, it is ended with another statement that is negative. Something that blames, justifies, or otherwise points a finger at something or someone else to make one feel better about themselves. It is really all very interesting to me. Someone else is responsible for the divorce, or the arrest, or the debt, or the failing grade. Some might say that those thoughts exist everywhere, and that is true. But it seems so pronouced here. Not seems; FEELS.

If I am not seeing with a point of view, then how can I know something is negative or positive? I feel it. I hesitate to use the word energy or vibration, because the meanings can be ambiguous. But it is a fact; people mired in their own misery give off a definite kind of vibration that is easily felt. It seems difficult to be attuned to it, but only because most of us live in misery of one form or another. Misery vibrates misery. You’ll never feel it in another as long as you are living there yourself.

I cannot look at others through comparison, and therefore find something to tell me what is negative. But when you are clean, negativity becomes a pungent odor that is easy to discern. You know it is there, but not through opinion or what you have been taught.

This has been wonderful for me, as it has shown me clearly the mechanisms at work in my mind. When I feel the negativity, my immediate response is to resist or pull away. But that very same resistance is a step toward violence. Not a step; it is violence. And a violent mind can see nothing but its own violence. If I resist, I attach myself to the object of my resistance. Even though I may convince myself that I am moving away from negativity, it is staying with me, and growing stronger each time I push it away. What I resist will persist. More than that, it will increase.

The truth is, whether negativity is there or not, the moment is perfect. It should not be any other way that what it is. If I resist reality, my torment begins.

I have said these kind of things before, and I hear the same responses. It is usually something like, “Well, what if I am poor? How is that perfect? What if my mom dies? How is that perfect?” I had the same questions in my own mind for years, and it clearly comes from a mind caught in time, enslaved by thought. The moment is always the moment. External circumstances may or may not change, but the moment is always the moment. If you are poor and want to be free, you won’t be. There is no action in wanting. It is just a fantasy. If you are poor and want to be somewhere else, then stop wanting and take action. That is relativly simple. The violence arises when we resist what is reality. If you are poor, whatever that means, why resist it? See it for what it is and take action. The moment is perfect if you are in a hovel or a mansion. It has nothing to do with where you think you should or shouldn’t be.

If your mom dies, you might think that it shouldn’t have happened. But the reality is, it should have happened. Why? Because that is what happened. Why all of the resistance to what is real? If your mom is gone, did she really go anywhere? If you close your eyes, you can still see her there. You can still feel what you felt when she was living. Mourn in whatever way you feel is necessary, but don’t torture yourself by insisting it shouldn’t have happened. That resistance is just another way to hang on. Let her go where ever she goes, and feel blessed that you knew her at all. You can still share your love with her. Just close your eyes and she is there with you.

I resisted reality in so many ways and tortured myself. I always had to make things personal. And if I didn’t do that, I had to have someone to blame. But why? What is the point in terrorizing oneself, or others? If I feel awful at a situation, surely it is of my own doing. I am the one that gives permission to feel the way that I feel.

 It is beautiful here. The sun seems to shine endlessly. The wind carries the smell of flowers. And I am surrounded by negative people. Everything is perfect. It could not be any different.

I see people I have known before. Perhaps it has been more that ten or fifteen years since the last time I met with them. At first, I am not sure I am seeing someone I have met. The faces are unfamiliar, but listening to them tells me I have experienced this before. Then suddenly, they appear out of nowhere. Memory swoops down, and fills in the blank spaces. It acts as a device for recognition, but that is all it does. It recognizes, then it sits back. It doesn’t come forward unless needed for recall. If I look at someone with what I have known, that is all I can see; what I have known. Memory is useful for recognition, then it is obedient.

Obviously, memory can tell me what has changed physically in another person. Maybe they have gained one hundred pounds, or they have no hair. If I search my memories I can find evidence that it wasn’t always that way. I can remember less fat, or more hair. But that is a wastage of energy. They are in front of me, talking, giving me knowledge of the last ten or fifteen years, and if I start my memories to try to remember them from before, I completely miss out on the living beauty of the moment forever unfolding in front of me. If I rely on my memories in a situation like that, I should just stay at home and daydream. The results would be the same; me reacting to my own mind, and not seeing anything in front of me.Two days ago I saw many people from my younger years at an outdoor concert. The last time I saw any of them was before I met with the present moment. And even though I met them all years ago, I was seeing them for the first time. I had my memories from before, but those memories - for whatever reason - couldn’t alter, enhance, or otherwise interfere with anything in the moment; seeing with the physical eyes, like a camera recording what it sees. There was no commentary or notion about what was good or bad.

The stars were beautiful, and I could smell the river on the wind.