If you think it is right, then go for it. Put all of your heart into it. Go into it in order to find out what is really there; not to validate what you may believe to be there.

I look forward to hearing about all that may happen.

I was about to say that I’m trying to find my own path then realized I am already on it! How could I not be. As to my frustration, it seems to me that is just my ego wanting things to be the way it wants them to be and not accepting the way they are. So I’ll work on acceptance, forgiveness, and inquiring into motive. Oh, there will still be a “who” in there; who is facilitating the motive(s)? Who is following those cravings of bliss? After all, the One I am looking for IS the bliss.

By the way I read “sitting #3″ earlier this morning. I found it challenging in all the right ways. Thank you, Takuin, for all your comments.

Peace to all.

I wonder…does your frustration arise from having lost the silence? Or does it arise because you desire to get it back?

Part of the problem might be, there is far too much information on awakening. And I am not sure that any of it can be trusted. Not because there is anything wrong with it, but what will you do with the knowledge that is presented? Try and build something out of it? Isn’t that what you’ve already done? (Not YOU personally, Eric.)

Thanks for all of your wonderful comments.

I think I understand where you’re coming from. There are many bumps and roadblocks and missed signposts on this path. In fact, that’s very natural. The good news is that the source of them all are, ultimately, right there in front of (within) you. They are in your own selfish desires (remember that craving Happiness is still craving, and sets up the same kinds of roadblocks as any other craving), and your own fears, assumptions and so on. That’s good news because that means you don’t have to look anywhere else for the solutions to your own issues/problems/confusions.

As for teachers, no matter what a teacher says or does, the true “teacher” is one who expresses that what really matters is what you think, what you do. (For what it’s worth, I, personally, never had a “teacher/guru,” and do not believe that they are necessary for everyone.) A true teacher never makes it about them, their teachings, “their” way. Never. Anyway, ultimately, there is really only one “way,” and that way is from within. (That is “the” way to which any real teacher, like The Buddha, will point.) This is true for all of us. Eventually, you may find what many call your “inner guru.” I like the Buddha’s teachings a lot. He (is said to have) taught “Be your own refuge.” There is a lot of wisdom in that. It is also extremely challenging when one really takes it seriously. And to show my point, the truth of that is something I came to see for myself. One does not “believe” and “follow” teachings/ideas/theories, but rather sees the truth (or falsity) of them for themselves. In a very real sense, that, in itself, is “the” way.

We find Happiness, Reality, Enlightenment in the absence of our illusions. Therefore, it is wise to focus on your own illusions, your own cravings. Where do they (really) come from. Follow the threads. This takes effort (see previous comments above). While some may be able to “sit away” their illusions, I think that most of us need to make the “right efforts” to examine them to the point where we truly see the truth of them. Understanding leads to letting go. Letting go leads to freedom, Happiness.

If you’re looking for a book (and I personally feel that reading the thoughts, ideas, etc. of others can be extremely helpful) I might suggest “Awakening the Buddha Within,” by Lama Surya Das. Of course, this is not all about “Buddhism.” I also found much similar wisdom in the work of Hume, Spinoza, and Nietzsche. Anything that stimulates thought/exploration is good.

Either way, keep on keepin’ on, as they say. You can get where you’re going, if you persevere and commit to your own path. Just don’t be surprised if it leads to to places you weren’t expecting to go.

The frustration is real though. It stems from the fact that many years ago, say around 1971, I found The Silence and have not been able to experience it since. That’s a long time to be thirsty! And yet part of the Knowledge that was retained was the realization that space/time does not exist. So I know intellectually that the experience is eternal, outside of time and therefore ongoing. Indeed, that all of this is not real. Only perceived.

Back then there was precious little literature on what I experienced and certainly no blogs. Computers only existed on Star Trek! Long story short, I believe I scared the crap out my ego, and then spiraled down with the help of alcohol and other drugs. Not all bad though ’cause here I am with a deep understanding that, despite outward appearances, we are all Light and never not connected to source. Oh, but I crave the Bliss of floating in that place where my story, and the fear and isolation that created it, are gone. No, not just gone, never were! That’s what was trying to come through yesterday, that deep longing to be myself again. Doesn’t it sound absurd when put that way? How can one not be their self?!

So thank you for listening and responding. The kindness always comes through, and that alone is a help. I will continue to sit, hopefully with a little more patience each time, and wait for that Grace when thought stops and I can once again be who I Am.

Peace to all.

It is not vain at all. Hell, I chose my own name as the url for this site, so who is vain?

I stuff words and concepts into my awareness and then meditate, trying to go beyond them.

If you are into inquiry, then have a go at this:

The first question is, What is the difference between the concepts and the one stuffing the concepts?

Stay there before going on to, Is it possible for the creator of the concepts to go beyond them?

I hear your frustration, but really, there is nothing you can do. There may indeed be similar paths, but don’t look for the similarities, copy them, and then try to live by them. If there is such a thing as “right living,” it has nothing to do with what one believes is right.

Forget about other people pointing to wherever. They cannot be sure what is right for you. They may say, “I merely point out the door,” but they could be wrong. That is not to say you shouldn’t listen, but there is absolutely no reason to follow.

It is said that when the student is ready the teacher will come. But will the student have the wisdom to recognize him/her?

That is certainly said. But is it wisdom for one to expect another to show the way? Is it wise to live a long life, waiting for someone else to set you free? I am not saying you do any of this, Eric. I am just exploring this subject.

In this phenomenal world, if someone has a particular skill, and you want to have that same skill, you go to them and ask questions. Or you buy a book, DVD, take a course, or whatever. But who on this earth can be the judge of what is happening within you from moment to moment? Certainly, things can be explored, and if there are two or more people, this kind of discovery can go in unexpected directions. But ultimately, it is Eric that must see what is within the organism named Eric.

It might be disconcerting to see this, but don’t trust that feeling. You will never know, unless you are there. And even then, you will never know.

I see this as an exciting time for you.

I realize no one can walk me to the door, only try to point the way. But with soooo many people pointing……… Ah, my frustration is showing through. Lately my attention has been on intention, the intention of knowing/being stillness, but even that involves a concept of stillness which I realize must be false. What’s a boy to do? I’ve heard that all the Buddhas sit with me, that every one who has ever wakened has traveled a similar path.

So why write this? Sympathy? Am I trying to get up the nerve to ask advice? Maybe my ego just needs to be out there so it can feel like it’s at least trying to be a better ego. It is said that when the student is ready the teacher will come. But will the student have the wisdom to recognize him/her? One can only hope. I trust I have not wasted any one’s time with this rambling. Peace to all.

I often use the word “effort” to describe what one does in “letting go.” The effort required in letting go, and staying let go. So, it’s not a matter of “exertion,” per se, but rather the effort one puts into practice of any kind—mindfulness, commitment, attention, etc. The kind of “effort” one often puts into the practice of meditation, for example. One could easily substitute “non-effort” for “effort” or “work,” as long as it does not become apathy, or sloth. This concept is subtle, and hard to get without actually experiencing that subtlety in one’s own practice. I imagine many who do formal meditation will get it, since it is very difficult to “just sit.” To do so, to do it “well,” “expertly,” requires the kind of “non-effort”/”effort” I describe above.

As for the processes I talk about, well, there’s no way to fully describe it all succinctly, at least not without delving into the kind of semantical issues here being discussed. Some will get it immediately, others not so immediately, and, I imagine, some not at all. This is why I am posting material from my own personal notes on my website, so people can consider the idea/material themselves.

One last thing about “effort.” I got the the point where “work” no longer seemed to fit, mostly because in our society (the USA), “work” has a generally negative connotation. So, sometimes I use “effort” instead. Of course, any word can take on a negative connotation for anyone, and this is why I always recommend not becoming attached to word-concepts, but rather questioning them, to the point one feels comfortable “using” them without being attached (to them).

Certainly for progress in the physical world, some sort of effort is needed. For musicians, learning scales, chords, arpeggios, sight reading, etc., takes time, even for passable ability. Never mind about mastery.

Although I see no effort as such in liberation, and I cannot imagine the process you mention. That is not to say that it is wrong or right. It might be subtle meanings within the words we use.