To a friend in Norway, in despair…
You may ‘sense’ deception in your relationship. But I would ask you to look first, to the deception within your own mind. If one is treating you badly, not playing fair, or already out the door in the relationship, then why hang on? Why wait to find some deception on their part to make yourself feel better, when you could easily just walk away?
It is a game, you see. A game to find how you’ve been wronged. That in turn will show you all you need to know to justify your actions as an asshole. But why play this game and look for some justification for your actions? If you are not happy, then leave. That is all you have to do.
I love you, as I always have loved you. But perhaps you need to learn what it is to live, or at least listen to your inner voice that is surely telling you the right course of action.
It is never about how much ‘evidence’ you might find; it is more your need for the imminent break to be about something other than yourself. It has to be that your partner has done something wrong, or that they are the ones ‘responsible’ for the break up. But really, what do you see within you? Is any of that really true?
What have you contributed to this sad state of affairs? How much weight have you brought to the scale?
I am not saying any of this is the case. You must go deep within to see what is there. But you must look without the need to be right, or the need to destroy the life of another…especially one you say you love.
Whether or not the relationship will end, are you willing to see yourself as you are? Will you look to yourself as the first course of action? Will you be patient enough to see the first steps arise within you?
This patience….this inner seeing…it is not so much about you. It is a gift for your partner. If you have ever loved them, as you claim you have, then there must be something left over within you to give them at least that much.
“Move forward with your heart…not your head!”
(Remember that quote? You said it all the time when I lived in Boston. I’ll always thank you for that.)
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Thank you Takuin, there’s great wisdom in what you write, and I hope it helps your friend (and the rest of us!). “What have you contributed?” is very powerful, it reminds me too of Byron Katie’s work. And you put this all so gently but with the insistence of a truth.
Thank you, Ron.
I wondered about the ‘gentleness’ myself, but in the end it all comes out as it should. The person this was written for understands the spirit in which it was given, and is grateful. And that is always nice, when it happens.
“If you are not happy, then leave. ”
Takuin, there’s great wisdom in your words. And indeed our own selves tells us these things. But you forget that ordinary mortals keep weighing between this hell and that… Loneliness is something that plagues most human beings. We run away from ourselves and perhaps that’s why we look for relationship. Perhaps not the best reason for a relationship to happen. But the world is deeply flawed and the actions of the human race are flawed, and we are hardly ever kind to ourselves. We keep wondering which hell would be worse.
I wish human beings would have the courage to follow the clarity that sometimes their own selves provide. Hopefully that will happen sometime in the course of existence.
Thanks for your wise words.
Thank you, a. I’m very happy to see you again
Does it really happen in that way? Does it plague us as something on the outside, poised to attack at any moment?
I have heard people also say these feelings are ‘human nature.’ But too many times, people use that phrase out of laziness and fear of changing. Is it really human nature? Or do we just follow follow follow? We’re told that it is so, and instead of investigating and finding out what is true, we accept it and cling to that part of ‘nature‘.
There is never relationship built from loneliness, you know…it is just a changing on the outside, with the loneliness affixed to a new target.
I’m not saying you’ve not seen this for yourself. It does go on as you’ve described. But there is no reason for it to go on.
One must see this within themselves. Whether everyone else sees it doesn’t matter. It all begins with the one…
…and you are that one.
Thanks for this reminder ot that Matrix decition ≈about whether to take the blue pill or the red one.
“It all begins with the one…
…and you are that one.”
Let´s go deep down on this one ≈ Inanna deep down ≈ <3 ≈
irger with love
Thank you, Birger…
…I’ll meet you there
“It is a game, you see. A game to find how you’ve been wronged. That in turn will show you all you need to know to justify your actions as an asshole. But why play this game and look for some justification for your actions? If you are not happy, then leave. That is all you have to do.”
The same justification that this person has “fooled” “me” into something. What it really means is that the person has had a judgement outside (not literally because that is not possible) of reality. It is exactly as you have said but the reason why humans feel deceived is because the idea doesn’t meet up with the reality. The clash of concepts appears as the deception.
This story happens over and over, and it is seen only out of this phantom self and the preservation of the self, that thing that isn’t really there, the concept is there, but in reality that is the dream.
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