I’ve been reading your site for a short time now, and I’ve got a question. I havn’t yet found anywhere on this site any real description of what enlightenment is. So, what is enlightenment? What the hell is this thing everyone seems to be looking for?
The danger is in reaching for the ‘idea’ of freedom, thinking it is in any way real. A guru may tell us it is all bliss, all love, all this or that, and all we can do is imagine that apparent state. Then we begin our search by looking for the state we have imagined, which is not the actual thing.
Such a dangerously subtle trick.
Freedom, liberation, truth, is really the most fragile thing,
it can be destroyed with a word,
an image,
an idea.
An image can override all truth, masking it, covering it over,
and we accept the image as the truth,
we can hide in the image.
We can feel more secure with these things we build….
they don’t change and seem permanent.
But no one ‘wants’ the truth of permanence.
Permanence has no truth.
My 28 day fasting experiment went very well. Much better than I could have expected. And after it was all over with I realized I could have kept the whole thing going for much longer.
The last week of the fast held no surprises, and went quickly. Energy was at a constant, even level, and there was absolutely no desire to eat. It seems the body had adjusted to no real food intake, and was able to easily deal with the physical end of fasting.
When it came time to actually start eating again, I felt I could continue fasting for at least a few more weeks with no ill effects. But the only way to know would be to fast for those weeks to find out.
I decided 28 days were enough for the purposes of this experiment.
I mentioned this in an earlier post, but this was not a true ‘water’ fast. I did drink other liquids during those 28 days, mostly to take in more vitamins and minerals.
I discovered, after a few weeks of fasting, that taking vitamin and mineral tablets made me nauseous. In order to take in necessary nutrients, I devised my own concoctions to try and take care of any deficiencies. It seems to have turned out well.
My calorie intake – beyond the first ten days – was 500 calories or less per day. So, not a true ‘water fast,’ but close enough for my needs.
The first thing I did on March 1st was eat. By the time I was ready for the first bite of the first meal, salivation was off the charts. It was very interesting as an experience. I ate various kinds of sushi for my first meal, and felt fine. No trouble in digestion, and no feeling of excessive fullness.
But as the days passed, and the eating continued, I noticed a general feeling of discomfort. This feeling did not seem to be related to any particular meals, so I could not trace it to a specific episode of over-feeding.
This discomfort continued, and would not seem to let up, so I went back to fasting for a day or two every week to make a note of the effects. This seemed to completely eliminate the discomfort of everyday eating, and sharply brought things back into ‘normal’ functioning.
I now follow a schedule of intermittent fasting. Three days per week are fasting days, and the other four are ‘eat’ days. I have experimented with different schedules and currently fast on Sunday, Tuesday, and Friday. On the other four days, I eat between the hours of 12-8 PM. This schedule seems to work best for now, but I continue to remain flexible.
I feel physically more comfortable eating in this way. I just do not see the necessity of eating everyday.
Heightened energy levels returned rather quickly. But the impulse to return to ‘regular’ life waned for several days after the fast was completed. I didn’t leave the house, did not post much of anything to this website, and generally did not participate in anything other than breathing.
I sat with this for some time and found that there was no desire to return to anything, because there was nothing to return to. Even though the memories of life before the fast still floated around, they could not influence Takuin to ‘go back’ to something that no longer exists.
Each new day became the only day. With no past or no future. This is nothing particularly ground breaking for Takuin, but fasting placed a kind of exclamation point at the end of it.
The physical body is the embodiment of liberation; it is constantly in a state of aliveness. But humans fall into trouble by trying to wrangle this living body with dead, stagnant ideas and concepts. Trying to force life through death, so to speak.
This body, and all of the functions it houses, may be the only teacher one ever needs.
Many people wish to fast in order to force some kind of ’spiritual experience.’ They say that fasting does this or that, or you can gain some insight or freedom by fasting. This is very true in a physical sense. But as far as liberation or oneness – or whatever you call it – is concerned, I could find nothing there. Liberation has more to do with your interference with life, and not abstaining from this or that.
As I sit and type these words, there is no more or less of anything in awareness. Can there be a more or less of anything?
There were great physical changes in this body during the course of the fast. I lost a total of 32.56 lbs (or 14.8 kg), but never once did I feel any danger or weakness. However, I was not able to measure how much of the weight lost was water, fat, or lean mass.
Some friends have told me I seem to be taller now. And although it is not really true, I wonder what might cause them to see me in that way? I was never much of a sloucher to begin with. But if there is a downside to all of this weight loss, it is the need for a new wardrobe.
When I started to eat again, I re-gained about 12 lbs. But after the first week, the weight started to come back down again. By my calculations, if things continue as they are, I will normalize at my post-fast weight in another week to ten days.
I am sure that there must have been a detox effect, but there was no real way for me to measure it. All I can mention are the outward physical effects of fasting on the body. And those effects seemed to have been in line with what most people have already reported. The chills, dragon breath, diarrhea, loss of focus, light headed-ness, increased need for sleep, and so on, were all experienced at some point of the fast, but none of them were on-going. They all seemed to dissipate after the first ten days or so.
There are numerous reports or claims of how fasting helps with the healing process. The logic behind those claims seems sound, but it is not at all what I have experienced. What I experienced was far more interesting.
I noticed no effects of ‘healing’ or ‘normalization’ UNTIL I re-introduced food. The fast, on its own, did not seem to do much of anything in that respect, but I noticed some interesting changes after I started to eat. For example, clearer skin, and faster wound healing (scab formation and so on) were noticeable changes for me.
The most interesting change was a small wart I had on the pinkie of my right hand. Before and during the fast it never changed in size and was very hard. But after I began eating again, it became very soft within a day or two and is now almost completely gone.
So it may be a combination of food and fasting that brings about a greater result in the healing process. But I really cannot say for certain.
Everything turned out wonderfully with this little experiment, and apart from the first week, I loved it. It has certainly altered the way I interact with food on a daily (and weekly) basis.
Unfortunately, I could find nothing I was curious to see. No real difference in the functioning of the mind, and no deeper spiritual significance. But it was very well worth doing.
In the future, I may perform another month long experiment on a different subject. I am now intrigued by the idea.
Any suggestions?
Today is the 1 year anniversary of the death of Mayumi Tsuda. For those of you that may remember, I originally wrote about her in the post Mayumi.
A short time ago, Akiko was going through some old papers and documents and found a letter from Mayumi. In it, she gives a testimony of keeping track of gratitude and the good things that happen in life.
In her letter, Mayumi mentions something called a “Sundial Diary.” This is a journal used to record the happy events, experiences, and observations in one’s life. It is not a place for complaining; just seeing the good in everything.
She also mentions “SNI,” which is an acronym for Seicho-No-Ie, a non-profit spiritual organization. Seicho-No-Ie has been an integral part of the Minamoto family, but I won’t get into that here.
What follows is her letter, translated from Japanese.
I started my sundial diary on January 1st, 2007. It was given to me by the local SNI teacher in Ashiya (Tokyo), Mrs. Murakami. She is always concerned about me and takes good care of me. Since I know that I cannot keep a diary, I did not have a plan to buy it for myself. Since it was given to me by somebody who always supports and encourages me, I decided to start the diary.
Last year, I did not keep the Sundial diary and it was a rather unfortunate year. There were more negative things than positive things that happened in my life. Therefore, I made a resolution. One of my goals of 2008 is to be a very lucky person.
This year, I have been writing the diary, I found that only good things happened when I opened and turned its pages, even though it is just a couple months. Of course, there must have been bad things that happened, but there was none on the record.
At that time I started to keep the diary, it was psychologically painful. Since I am a on leave of absence from work now, nothing so special or fun happened. Although I was told that “I should record only hours of sunshine.”, nothing shiny appeared. The only things that I could write were just complaints and gossip. I had nothing to do. Then, I tried to go out and find fun.
At first, I must not have found fun things everyday when I started to go out. After a while, it was getting easier to find a good things among little incidents and occasions in daily life. For example, the path covered by snow that I saw at night was shining brightly and beautiful. I was so lucky that I could have a taste of a very rare wine, called “Iced Wine,” at the department store. I could borrow the book reserved at the library earlier than I expected. And more…
Also I started to try filling out one of the items, Deeds of Love, on the diary by donating a small contribution everyday to the donation box in the convenient stores or fast-food restaurants.
Although I am not good at writing regularly and there were some blank pages on the diary, I still continue to keep my diary.
I believe that this will be a good year when I look back next year and reread the diary. Because there are only good things recorded on the diary. I am thinking that it will be nice to do so. To make it happen, I will continue to write my diary.
The part of “Holy books and Holy Sutras” in the diary is still in blank.. I would like to to fill it out by reading some books and sutras. I was not enthusiastic to read the SNI holy books and sutras. I was recommended to read “365 Golden keys for Women’s Happiness” and would like to read it. When I read 1 page per day, I will be able to finish to read it by the end of this year. But I will try to finish to read it faster by speeding up a little bit. Finally, I will become a shiny, joyful and bright lady.
Even though she died in 2008, she did accomplish her goal. She was absolutely a shiny, joyful and bright lady.
**********
A couple of weeks after she died, I decided to go to a local SNI meeting that Mayumi was a part of. At the end of the meeting, Akiko and I were asked to draw something on a post card (on the topic of the meeting). But the only thing in my head was Mayumi. The picture at the top of this post is a small portion of the larger picture we made.
In the drawing you’ll notice a small square in two shades of brown. That was Takuin’s sole contribution to the drawing. When Mayumi and Takuin would meet, she would usually bring cookies she had baked. Those cookies were small squares, in two shades of brown.
When Akiko saw what I added to the drawing, she new immediately what it was without asking.
I may have inadvertently made everyone feel bad at the meeting. While their pictures were great, and expressed the topic of the meeting splendidly, Takuin was the only one to remember Mayumi. But I never had the impression they felt bad for what I did. It was more likely for what they did not.
As a side note:
Akiko and I were out at a local department store yesterday, and much to our surprise, there was a vendor for the Iced Wine Mayumi mentioned in her letter. We were able to have a sample and it was quite remarkable. I can easily see why Mayumi would write it in her Sundial Diary.
No problems, no problems. I did not fall off the wagon, and it is surprising to think there has been no real food to support this body for the last 28 days. Yet, there is this strange feeling, knowing that I will re-introduce food tomorrow. It is uneasy, and something I must listen to. I’ll think on this for a bit, then write a larger follow-up post on the whole experience.
Focus has become more steady, and has finally reached a comfortable level of functioning. I think if I were to extend this fast into March, I would not suffer any ill effects due to lack of concentration. But I won’t be doing that.
All is very well.
Everything is proceeding nicely. No problems, no derailments, and the focus is gradually getting sharper. Nothing so new to report.
With that in mind, I thought I would share this video on water fasting (during a hunger strike). It gives some good points one might expect to find during the fasting process.
While Takuin is not as bad off as the guy in this video, some of the thoughts that have arisen in the last three weeks have been the same as his. Particularly with drinking water.
Watch the video to see what I mean. (For those of you that cannot see the video in the RSS feed, please click through to the site.)
Everyone tells me they can’t believe I have not eaten anything for the last 17 days. I can understand, but sitting here, there is nothing special about it. The longer I go without food, the easier it gets, in some strange way. As long as I take care in the day to day actions of this organism, it is all so simple.
I have missed many functions and events this month, and apart from one other person, I have only spent time with Akiko. I don’t go out unless I have to, and since I need no food, I really don’t have to.
I did plan for this in the beginning, however. I cleared the calendar, told everyone I would be “gone” for the month of February, and planned on eliminating all physical training.
I do go out for walks from time to time, but energy reserves are at a low, so I tend to avoid any unnecessary activity. I just can’t risk wasting the energy at this point.
Even though all is well, there are a few annoyances due to the circumstances.
Almost Zero Productivity
If one really wants to accomplish something in the physical world, it is best not to attempt it during a water fast. Even though focus is clean and there is a sharp edge to thought, it is not easy to sustain after 17 days without food. Moment by moment is perfection (if I can use that ugly word!), but sustaining an effort for even menial tasks is hard to manage.
I have tested with several tasks, to see the effect it might have:
E-Mail or Letter Writing
The words do not come so easily in a fasted state. Well, that is not true; they do arrive in the same way, but the functioning is seemingly much slower and labored.
Before the fast it was rather easy to put together a letter from start to finish in no time at all. In the non-fasted state you can see nearly all the words in front of you. There is a logic to all of the paragraphs and it comes out quickly. You could say it is an ability to think ahead while writing in the present moment. Multi-tasking, really.
But in the fasted state, one must stay with each word. It is even difficult to think ahead in the same sentence, so forget about paragraphs! Each word has its space, and all must be carefully considered before they are used.
It is not that there is anything necessarily wrong with this, but a simple e-mail reply may take three sessions to get through to the end. Many times the focus will just not stay with you long enough to finish it all at once.
Reading
Thankfully, reading ability is largely unaffected. But it is probably best to stick with subjects that really hold your interest. Otherwise, you might very easily fall asleep.
And this is important for other reasons. It seems, during a prolonged fast, there is a tendency to move toward things that one naturally loves. I am guessing this is so because when one really loves to do something, there is less resistant energy involved. It can all be done with minimal effort.
If you have no idea what you really love to do, fasting might help you find out!
Guitar
Guitar playing (for Takuin) is mostly unaffected. It is fun and there is no trouble with focus while playing. HOWEVER, it is very hard to learn something new. I don’t mean playing new songs or using already well-known guitar techniques in a slightly different way. I mean, if you are really exploring the instrument, trying to learn something very new that you have not tried before, it is almost too difficult to manage in the fasted state.
This may be true of learning anything really new to you during a fast. You should probably just plan to learn nothing new if your fast is prolonged.
It seems the difficulty lies in the repetition of learning. It is hard to explain, but maintaining the necessary repetition to fully assimilate a physical skill is greatly affected. The focus needed during this part of the process falls away so easily. It is like mentally falling down a flight of stairs. Over and over again.
I’d hate to meet the chap trying to write a novel during a long fast. Poor soul.
As I mentioned before, the first week was the worst. The body struggles to adapt, and all of the unpleasantness involved can be unsettling to many. If one is going to fail, it will probably happen during this time.
But around the 7th day or so, things begin to shift. The body and the mind settle down, and a new set of events begin. It is around this time that you will feel a rush of energy and get a sort of fasting second-wind.
This was odd. I did have a small bit of trouble with dehydration, but other than that, it was a great week. Even so, I began to repeatedly have images of food flash in my mind. It wasn’t that “I” was hungry and thought about food, but thoughts of food arose.
I found myself watching dozens of food commercials on YouTube. Mostly on how to make certain kinds of dishes. But there were a lot of fast food commercials thrown in there too. It was strange; even with all of this activity, I was never hungry.
The Mystery of Meat
As many of you know, I have not eaten meat for about eight years now. And I have never regretted it or ever had a feeling that I am missing anything. But something interesting occurred…
First, Japan is not really a “vegetarian” country. It may sound strange to many of you, but it is true. I can easily eat here because I know it all so well. So I know where to go and what to avoid. (For a vegetarian, the best bet for lunch or dinner are Indian restaurants! You can always find something without meat.)
But if a vegetarian came here for vacation, without a guide, it is almost inevitable that they will eat meat at some point. Even “vegetable” options (like vegetable soup, or vegetable-this or vegetable-that) have meat in them. And this – many times – will NOT be indicated in the menu.
You’re probably better off learning the Japanese language, or going to India. 
Anyway, there are many places where you can buy meat or chicken on a stick from various outdoor vendors. The smell is always lingering around the street where I live. So it was not a surprise for me to smell it everyday.
But toward the end of the second week, whenever I would smell the burned animal flesh, this organism had a strange reaction. It salivated heavily, the stomach grumbled, and there was this definite need for the body to eat meat. I could not understand it, but it was there.
This was interesting because it was not ME doing anything. I was not thinking, “Man, I would love to have a steak,” or anything of the sort. It was all very carefully observed. There was no-one with a desire for meat, but this body wanted it. Craved it. It was some deep need I could not understand.
I am not saying that it is necessarily “natural” to eat meat, although I can see nothing “un-natural” about doing so. This may have been something else. If we think about it, this body has had absolutely no protein or fat for the last 17 days. Perhaps there is something to how this body perceives these things on its own.
(If you are wondering, I did not break the fast, and I am not planning on eating filet mignon on March 1st, either.)
So far so good. Little annoyances aside, I see no reason to stop this fast. It seems, at this moment, I will take it all the way to the 28th.
And on March 1st, I’ll be in a protein and fat induced coma.
I’m not sure if I actually expected a real change to occur at the beginning of this fast. I just wanted to find out. The results so far? NOTHING has changed. There have been many physical adaptations, certainly. But fasting seems to have absolutely no effect on oneness or liberation.
Message to a Friend – Letting Go
In response to a friend that asked about ‘Letting Go’ as a path to freedom.
There is a subtle voice in letting go that says, “Things need to change. If I let this go, my life will be better.” But it is a mere projection of a non-existent state. Although one is ‘letting go,’ it may still be a trick of the controller. In other words, one would not ‘let go’ unless they felt something was wrong in the first place. But there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. You lack nothing.
The only state you have, is the one you are in. If you feel fearful, it is a fact. It is confusing to try and find a “better state.” To sit with what is present – the fear – and work from there, is all one can really do.
All of this – whatever feelings you may have, good or bad – is your greatest teaching. It is better than anything anyone else may hand to you. All of the answers are present within you. But you must begin with what you have, and not with what you think is better.
You may need strength to sit with it and see it. You may need great determination to see it through, but this is your journey to take. And whatever is within you – even if it seems to bring pain – is truly a gift.
You know, there is that saying, “What you resist persists.” But also, it is this resistance that helps point you toward your greatest freedom. It is all very exciting to be where you are. You might not believe it, but it is true.
It seems you take this seriously, and that is a very positive step. But you will also need curiosity to see it to the end. There is a great energy present within curiosity. And while it might not eliminate fearful feelings, it makes it all so much easier to deal with.
When you are curious, there is a great movement toward finding out; you are not so interested in a specific result as much as you are in finding out what is really there. And seeing the truth of what is present is stronger and more final than any fear that resides within thought.