I recently found, quite by accident, a few words I wrote on December 2nd, 2006, one day after the event of liberation, if that is the right way to say it. I have no memory of writing any of this. It is fairly disjointed, and it seems to have been written all at once, around 9:45 AM.
You may, or may not, find it interesting…
December 2nd, 2006 9:45 AM
I continue to carry this complete emptiness wherever I go. It is an odd sensation. But the mind is not devoid of sound; the music is still there.
I have this feeling I am not really here. Or perhaps it is infinite space, penetrating everything. No longer is there a distinction between anything.
If I focus on an object or person, I can penetrate to the very essence of the thing. There are no longer any secrets, and any idea of a mystery of life has disappeared along with the person holding the idea.
There is an extreme warmness in the chest area; an amazing warmth in the heart. As I walk along the streets, I can reach out with some invisible hand and touch everything. Penetrate everything. I can see another person and feel their entire emotional history; the fear, the pain, and doubt, but also the love, joy, and the happiness.
This living is all cosmos.
At every moment I feel quite on the verge of exploding. It is tremendous.
I feel a tremendously important answer rushing toward me, but I have no way of knowing the question. Maybe that is the way this is supposed to be. Everything rushes to greet me, but there is no one here to meet it.
The wind blows today, as it does everyday, but the being it touches is different from yesterday.
You are the wind. Go and breathe life into this world.
There is no life here as it is known in the mind. This transcends all of that. It is beyond any idea of life and death, and is free to…
***************
…and that is how it ends.
I have no idea what happened after this. I seem to have lost – or misplaced – a significant amount of time.
Most likely, this was written in a seating area at Shaw’s supermarket in Boston, Massachusetts, close to the intersection of Commonwealth and Brighton Avenues. I do recall spending time there, reading and writing, and so on.
Re-reading this…I can understand what is being said. But it is odd, because I cannot believe any of it. Dis-interested – maybe that is the right word. It has no real meaning as I sit here typing in Tokyo, Japan. But still, it may be interesting for others to read.
10 Comments
What fantastic insight! It’s very vivid. What an experience it must be to be in your shoes. Thank you for sharing that.
Mike
Thanks, Mike.
Your own shoes will fit you far better than mine.
Besides, in your shoes there is hope to find something unparalleled. In mine there is only the ghost of what you already possess.
Be good…
Hi Taukin,
Yes, the intersection of Commonwealth and Brighton. Brings back memories of another time and memories of who I used to be. It is like looking at the life of another person.
What you wrote, makes total sense to me because I recall feeling like that. Actually, whenever I am connected with the love that exists in everything, I still feel like I will explode from sheer joy of the energy.
Life is fluid…so it is wonderful that we grow and move beyond our boundaries. There are sections of my life that I cannot recall and I am at peace with it. For if those moments were of importance, I would be able to remember them.
Thank you, Nadia.
Explosive is a good word for that energy. It is not explosive as in out of control or disconcerting. It is not an energy that changes with different situations, because there are no different situations. It might be better to say it is a constant energy and a continual, never-ending situation.
There is also a great grocery store/food court at that same intersection called Super 88. The Thai curry is great.
Good point about the word “explosive”. When I connect with the feeling of universal love (meaning when I sense the love that connects us all), the power of the energy and feeling is too big for my body. It is as if my body just cannot contain all that energy. It is a wonderful feeling and I love when it happens.
Reminds me of when Krishna tells Arjuna in the Gita that if Arjuna were to see Krishna is his total power, he would not be able to physically handle it.
And thanks for the food tip. I will try to remember that if I am ever in Beantown again. I love Thai curry.
Nadia,
Yes, you are right. It is too big for any-body.
I think if it were a case of energy contained within a mere body, then it would be an impossibility. But it really isn’t accurate for me to use the phrase, ‘in the body,’ because it is something unchained; an energy uncontrollable in the sense of me doing something with, or to, it.
The one seeking the power cannot handle it, because that power cannot be handled.
That is very nice…
I’m glad you shared that with us. I find that too often those who have experienced a genuine “liberation” are shy about sharing their “thoughts” about it. I think I know why: people try to make something of it, when in fact, it really isn’t a big deal. And, sadly, most people just plain don’t get it. You can spell it out in the clearest of terms, and yet, people almost willfully do not want to understand. Isn’t that incredible? Consciousness resisting its own awakening.
I loved most the first lines: “I continue to carry this complete emptiness wherever I go. It is an odd sensation. But the mind is not devoid of sound; the music is still there.” Yes!
Thanks, Tom.
You are right; it is not a big deal. But I suppose others will go on, continuing in their attempts to build a structure from a formless nothingness. It doesn’t have to be that way, of course, but it will go on.
At least for now.
Thanks for sharing that Takuin. Always fascinating to see how each unique unfolding occurs and what is noticed in the process.
There was an uncommonly complete dissolution of the person. More typically, there is some process of ending: the idea of me, the heart awakening, then the penetration of everything. Here, you encapsulate it all. The instant version. (laughs) Just honk and dissolve.
Davidya,
DISCLAIMER: Do not jump in front of a car in your search for spiritual enlightenment. Unless you hope for liberation in the final sense of the word.