This post is a group effort of sorts. A few other writers are posting on this same topic of Forgiveness today. Links to their sites and articles follow at the end of this post.
Junko asks:
What happens when someone hurts you? How does Takuin forgive a wound?
The way you are using the word Forgive, in order for forgiveness to flower, there must first be a wound of some kind. Something that hurts me in some way that I carry around for whatever reasons.
I will not deny the suffering of another; that someone might carry around events heavily in their mind, torturing themsleves day and night. But you asked Takuin the question, so let’s see what comes up.
(For this discussion, I’ll use the word Forgive as you’ve used it above.)
The Wound
We can call the result of physical damage a wound, as it can be measured and observed in the physical world. You can certainly hurt this body; kick it, stab it, destroy it, or otherwise impede or slow its physical functioning; but that is an extremely limited and insignificant action.
Physical wounds do not require forgiveness because it has nothing to do with Takuin. You might hurt this body physically, and effect it for years to come, but that is as far as it goes. Nothing carries over.
But what about a wound beyond the physical? How can you forgive that?
Is there a wound that is beyond the physical?
You might tell me, someone said this or that, and it wasn’t true, and it hurts me badly. Where is this wound, and whom does it hurt?
I am not trying to build up an ideal world for you where people carry nothing with them; no hurtful words, devastating events, or whatever. I can only express how it unfolds within this organism.
There is no wound beyond the physical. What is beyond the physical can never be hurt by any word or event. It doesn’t cause a stain, leave a mark, or become scabrous over time.
Liberation, the truth of what you are, oneness, or whatever you might call it, cannot be hurt, nor does it desire to be free from hurt. There is no messenger to carry the message, and no construct to house it in.
This is not a matter of ignoring anything, or turning your back to the world. If you do indeed have some pain from memory, open the door and greet it at once. Find out if it actually holds any weight whatsoever. Find out if it is anything more than eloquent hearsay.
To Forgive
As I mentioned above, this is not to deny any pain you might feel within yourself, and I would never try to convince you otherwise. But why do you need to forgive?
It might sound like a silly question, but why? Is it for the other person? Is it for you? Only you can answer this, as no one else can know precisely how you are functioning from moment to moment.
Do you want to forgive in order to be free of pain? Or do you forgive so your life might have some stability and structure, even if that structure is destructive?
If you don’t mind, I’ll tell you a small personal story. Have a listen…
(If you are on the RSS feed, or reading this through an email subscription and you cannot see the audio player, please click through to the post to listen.)
Podcast: Play in new window | Download (4.0MB)
For her, forgiveness was just a tool to get what she wanted more than life itself; to not be alone.
What is Forgiveness to You?
I know there are other definitions of the word Forgiveness, and different faiths might interpret the word to mean something entirely different from the way we’ve used it today. But Forgiveness, as we’ve been using the word, arises from the wound, from the pain, from the hurt.
If there is no wound, where is forgiveness?
What is Forgiveness to you?
A few other writers took up their pens (or keyboards) to write on this same subject today. The initial idea was to all write on the same topic, but with our own unique expressions. I am sure these other contributions will be wonderful and well worth your time to check out.
Albert Foong at Urbanmonk.net – Our Innate Innocence – Reflections on Forgiveness
Tom Stine at Tomstine.com – There Is Nothing to Forgive
Daphne Lim at Joyfuldays.com – The Gift of Forgiveness
Davidya @ In 2 Deep – Deep Forgiveness
If you want to join in, please leave a comment below. You can also write your own article on forgiveness and link to it from the comments. I’d love to read what you have to say on the subject.
Enjoy!
{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }
Hi Takuin!
The sun goes down here long after you…
Deep Forgiveness
Curiously, I also posted an audio clip. But not a separate story.
Thanks for your clear thoughts on forgiveness.
I have also noticed that tendency for people to identify with their pain you talk about in the audio story. They are so comfortable with their pain, they call it love. But that feels safer than facing what their wound, however self-inflicted.
Thank you, Davidya.
Feels safer…yes, that is it. Of course, it isn’t safer, but it is too difficult for them to see beyond their fear of loss. A fear of loss of continuity (the thing that sustains them, or gives them some weight or apparent reality) even if that continuity is deadly.
Forgiveness to me is the way to release that wound. It arises because of the wound, yes. But without that, the wound remains. As Tom and I mention, when the wound is forgiven, we find there was nothing to forgive after all. But it must be released, one way or another. Forgiveness is much easier than what some might call karma.
Davidya,
So, we could say forgiveness is the finishing move, so to speak? The movement of resolution?
Yes, the completion. There are other words that could be used to describe the experience of complete allowing, of surrender, of compassionate acceptance, of forgiving.
That is a sad story
I’ve never thought of forgiveness being misused in that way. Ouch…
Takuin,
First of all, you have a lovely voice! I enjoyed listening to the story – well I didn’t enjoy the sadness of it, just the voice telling it. I agree with Albert that her story is sad indeed, and more so because she’s not the only one. So many people ‘forgive’ when it’s really a trade of sorts – I ‘forgive’ you if you will continue to ‘love’ me.
“There is no messenger to carry the message, and no construct to house it in.” This statement struck me though I don’t think I can even start to understand the depth of its meaning right now. But it’s a starting point for me to think about – that this wound we think we have does not really exist. Thank you for your perspective.
Thank you, Daphne.
I am thankful to have met you, and very glad we could both take part in this little project.
The non-existence of the wound may be the truth, but we always begin with what we have. If one is truly hurt, whatever that means, they begin with that apparent hurt. Even if a guru tells us there is no one there to be hurt, we must have a look to discover if any of it is, in fact, true.
Thank you, Daphne. I look forward to hearing from you again…
I will only mention what was prior to forgiveness.
I carried (and nurtured) my wounds to instill guilt in others and a sense of moral superiority in myself. My wounds never existed except through my choice to experience them to support my ego.
Thank you, Eric. It has been awhile, and I hope you’ve been well.
Carrying those wounds can also be damaging to the physical organism. I am sure you’ve probably experienced the additional pain and discomfort of that sort of thing.
It is a destructive system of support….
Forgiveness is not something we do. It is something we stop doing.
When we know that everyone–everyone–does the best they can under the circumstance of conditioning, there is nobody to forgive and nobody who can forgive.
We stop resisting. We let go.
Thank you, Kaushik.
Very nicely said…
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