行って来ます

行って来ます (itte kimasu) is an interesting way of saying 'goodbye' in Japanese. The implication is, although one is leaving, one will return at some point in the future. And I think that is a good place to leave Takuin.com. To leave, and return.

The first post on this website was called 'Phoenix', published on Friday, December 22, 2006. I wrote:

With all that has recently happened to this organism, it is fitting that the old blog was destroyed. Since everything is a new beginning, every moment, every smile, every word typed through this keyboard, nothing has been lost.

And here I sit, nearly 10 years later, with the same feelings.

After my so-called spiritual awakening on December 1st, 2006, everything changed. It is good to know after a decade, that life still evolves, twisting and morphing, evolving into new and different, perhaps even better, forms.

So perhaps I'll rise once again, like the Phoenix. Or perhaps, I'll fuck off into the sunset.

One last time I will say to all of you:

BE GOOD.

I love you.

行って来ます

~Takuin

P.S. If anyone wants to keep in touch with me, send an email to Takuin at gmail. It will be nice to hear from any of you.

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Change

"O, that this too too solid flesh would meltThaw and resolve itself into a dew!"

Over the years I have enjoyed speaking and interacting with many of you. Not all of you, but most of you. ;-)

We have had many rich conversations. Hundreds of hours of inquiry and investigation. And I imagine it will continue to some degree and with some of you.

If anything I have ever written has been meaningful to you, helpful to you, first of all, I am humbled. Second, if you would like to have those conversations for your own future reference, you may want to capture them in your own way, and rather quickly. As in the next 10 days, quickly.

If I can find a simple way of saving all the posts and all the comments, I will do so. But I may not be able.

I have decided to let the hosting for this website lapse. It is simply too expensive. There are cheaper alternatives out there, but instead of pushing everything over to a new host, I'll just start over. Anew.

This transition will take some time. And when I return, I won't be the man you remember. Who is, really? But I have and will continue to love you all, regardless of whatever may happen.

Sometimes you need to have a controlled burn in order for new things to grow. And I have been immolated.

For those of you still in the spiritual teaching trade, I'll stop in from time to time. You've been my brothers and sisters and I will keep in touch.

I will be back, in some form or other. But don't wait up for me. I like to slowly stroll through fields of flowers when the moon is high. I might be some time.

With Love...

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7 Years Gone

It's strange how events unfold in one's life. Some people you know for a decade disappear from your life never to be seen or thought of again, while others you know for a short period disappear, but remain in your psyche, like a ghost. It is the short life that lingers on, its end embedded in your mind with an exclamation point. A calm breeze brushes your cheek, a familiar scent on the wind touches your mind, and there you are, confronted with a ghost, thought long gone.

It evokes a certain whimsy. Fantasy. The need for nostalgia to become solid and real one more time. To feel those hands, hear that voice, see that smile. But all you’re left with is the memory of what was once a vibrant, beautiful human being. And that memory you can no longer trust, as it adds far more than it can ever remember, to fill the gaps of your inattention.

Inattention permeates your entire waking life. During conversations and meetings with friends are you ever really there, truly paying attention? Do you notice their countenance, the slight lines of life and living in the face, the possible faint remnant of all the pain and suffering in the eyes? When they speak, can you hear the music? The strange and alien rhythms and atonal clusters of notes that make up a human voice?

It is within the seemingly small things where relationship begins. It is the odd turn of phrase catching your attention unexpectedly. It is the way the eyes move to meet yours, then dart away once the stare becomes too longing.

It is when you realize the tiny size of her wrist, and you could wrap your middle finger and thumb around it and still have wiggle room to spare.

Today I am remembering a friend that died on March 10th, 2008. Her name was Mayumi.

I don’t know why she keeps coming back to me. It could be years, and I’ve moved into other areas of life, in other places in the world, and suddenly she’s there, as if she never left.

She smiles and tells me stories of picking wildflowers with her friends. She tells me she likes to write in her diary. I ask her what she writes. “Only the good,” she says. “Only the good.” Documenting hours of only sunshine.

She asks me to play Chopin Nocturnes for her. I do.

She gives me a message for Akiko. “Thank you for always remembering.” Then, with the next breath, she is gone.

And I am left alone, with only the memory. But I will carry it, until I am no longer able to carry anything.

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Ricky Gervais, Derek, and The Failure of Religion

I recently had a strange experience I'd like to share with all of you. Hopefully, you can help me understand what is happening in this situation. A few days ago I posted a photo/message to my Facebook page, the gist of which was, you can be a good person and do good things whether or not you are religious. I didn't receive any comment on the post itself, but did receive more than a few private messages. Let me share a few excerpts with you:

  • "If you think anything gets done without GOD, your [sic] a fool. Without HIM nothing is good."
  • "You and Derek can do good things without god, then talk about your accomplishments while you burn in hell."
  • "This is the most stupid thing! You can't just be good! Only the bible teaches good!"
  • "This is from the God hating athiest [sic] Ricky Gervais. He'a [sic] not funny and neither is this post. You can burn along with him if you think this is ok."

Let me clarify a bit. The photo I posted was of Ricky Gervais in the role of Derek, from the wonderful new series of the same name. In fact, this is the exact image I used:

derek

After receiving those messages, I was dumbfounded. I could not understand why anyone would have that kind of reaction. But thinking back on my meetings over the previous years, that same attitude arose several times. It is the 'what I've been taught trumps everything' attitude.

And there is fear there as well. The identity is so intertwined and ever-reaching, if one loses hold of what they have been taught to believe, they hurt themselves. After all, the destruction of belief does not bode well for the believer (it is not as if they are separate, anyway). It is a fear of annihilation, whether realized or not.

But I do not have all of the story. Or perhaps even most of the story. Some of what these people have said must be heavily tied up in what was taught to them. But I know very little about the Bible. Of course, having this website has introduced me to all manner of "experts", although I don't necessarily trust them. Certainly not as much as I trust my readers. ;-)

When Akiko and I delivered food to families in a city half-destroyed by the great earthquake and tsunami of 3/11/2011, was the food somehow less nourishing because I have no religion? When we delivered toys to children spending their New Year's in a labyrinth of newly built shelters overlooking the ruins of their former houses, was their joy lessened because I have no god? It would be gratuitous to answer such questions.

Is this a failure of religion? A failure in the interpretation of religion? A failure in the deeper structure of belief? None of these? Have I seen this in the wrong way?

This experience has re-ignited the fires of my curiosity. I am very interested in your responses here.

How does this appear to all of you?

The Fear of the Blind

NOTE: I should mention, I did receive messages from other religious folks who had nothing negative to say at all. Hopefully, I am not painting a one-sided picture in this post. ~ Takuin

Fasting, Takuin's Birthday, And The Destruction of This Blog

Happy New Year, everyone. I hope you all survived and are planning to give whatever you can in service to humanity for this coming year.  And if you can't do that, have a good time with whatever you're doing. Just remember to leave the room cleaner than it was when you arrived.

Fasting

By far, the articles I wrote on fasting bring more visitors to this site than any other (apart from What is Enlightenment, or A Question for My Peers, which also bring a lot of 'You're full of shit!' type private messages, which is fine with me). But that fasting experiment took place five years ago. And apart from playing around with it here and there, I have not undertaken a serious fast since then. I just never got around to it.

Well, I finally got around to it, as I have started today.

I won't follow a lot of rules with this. I'll just keep going until it feels right to stop. But I will do things similar to the previous fast back in 2009. I'll make a liquid concoction to drink everyday so I lose as little vitamin/minerals as possible, along with drinking a great deal of water.

I won't post here everyday with updates, but I will keep a daily journal of this fast, for as long as it continues. Perhaps someday, if enough people are interested, I will publish that journal as a document of what happened.

Takuin's Birthday

A few of you have pointed out that last month was the seventh birthday of Takuin. Not of this website (although it is that as well), but of Takuin as a...thing...creature...whatever it is. Someone asked how I feel about that.

I don't feel anything about it, really. It has always been that way for me. I do not go back to revisit any of my old conversations, and I have never re-read anything I have written. It means very little.

Don't get me wrong; in those moments of exploration with other people, digging deep into the roots of whatever we may or may not be, there is a beautiful kind of energy, something unique to those moments that can never happen again. But once those moments have passed, there is never a need to try to catch up with them to bring about the comfort of the familiar.

I don't mean to sound harsh, but after I have a conversation or write a post or whatever it is, you could burn it for all I care. Once it is over, it is over for me. And if it ceases to exist beyond that point, I'll never know, really. But this is something we'll discuss in a little more detail later in this post.

I was not born as Takuin, but for whatever reason, that is what now remains. I don't know how it happened, and I have long since lost interest in finding out.

But thanks for the birthday wishes. ;-)

The Destruction of This Blog

As I mentioned above, whether or not my words continue on after their birth means very little to me. But I do realize there may be some meaning for others out there in the world. And although I would hope to discourage that attitude in general, I won't try to discourage anyone from caring about something that is meaningful to them.

So here is the situation. At the end of January my web hosting expires. I have thought about doing nothing and letting it expire, which means the blog, along with all of the comments and images, would disappear and be gone forever.

I have also thought about letting it expire, but before that happens, taking all of the posts and putting them into an ebook or app or something like that.

I could also keep the site as it is and just let it go on, or I could start something new on the site leaving all the old material behind but still available. Many options.

So here is a question for you: As a reader of this site, what would you like to see happen?

This doesn't mean I will follow your advice, but I will be listening. ;-)

Shoes

Human Beings Cannot Attain Enlightenment

I received this very thoughtful message from Anon this afternoon, and I would like to share it with all of you. And please forgive me Anon. Try as I might, I could not respond to your email address, and could find no way around that problem.

Anon wrote:

Hello

(1) Human beings can not attain enlightenment. (2) The ego must be annihilated in order for one to merge completely with love. (3) Without the ego one is not one. (4) One does not exist. (5) You have experienced a glimpse. (6) You have tasted the water, but you have not become the ocean. (7) You only harm yourself with this belief. (8) Hold on to nothing. Grasp at nothing. Only love.

(Note: I added the numbers in the above message to make clear my responses. ~ Takuin)

Thank you, Anon.

To answer you in order:

(1) As far as I know, I never said they could.

(2) If that is true, I will never know.

(3) It is not for me to say.

(4) Whether one does or does not is insignificant.

(5) I have experienced nothing.

(6) I refuse the water, but enjoy watching the ocean.

(7) If there is a belief here, I cannot find it. Perhaps you could help me look?

(8) If one holds, grasps, or does not, is all the same if there is a goal in mind.

Please forgive me for saying, but you seem to have many rules. But what I perceive in this short missive is not enough to know, and I have no interest in concluding you into oblivion.

I have heard what you have said many times before (not with the same wording, of course). I am certainly not accusing you of anything, or think you to be weak minded or foolish. But over the last five or six years I have met with more than a thousand human beings of various faiths and ethnicities. And there was only so many times I cared to hear the same thing over and over again.

The spiritual world, if we can use that term, is just as limited as any other creation of human-kind. That does not make it meaningless, but it is still trapped within our limited capacity. The human mind can only see so far within the confines of what it adheres to; the rules handed down by others.

But you are correct, in the end. There is only love. But it is not mine or yours. Just love. Just as I sit here loving you. But it is not mine. I cannot 'do' anything with it.

Love is here through your existence. Maybe we can just sit with that...

Takuin

The Waves Come In

Interview with Takuin ~ Part 2 of ?

This is part two of an ongoing interview with Takuin. You can read part one here. This particular interview goes into creativity, art and artistry, and part of my struggles as a young human trying to be expressive. The questions in this particular post, were asked by Liz.

Liz: First, let me follow up with a question or two from where Jake left off.

As far as having the support of your friends or family in your writing, do you think your posts might have turned out differently had there been that support?

Takuin: Well, there is an art to expressive writing, no matter the subject. And having support, especially from specific people, can make a big difference in the life of an artist. That difference is not necessarily directly translated into 'good' work, but there is a charge, or energy, for lack of a better word, that is present during the creation of the thing that can give the overall end result a sense of some kind of otherness; a touch of something special, which is not quite explainable.

Having that support can make a huge difference in the relationship between the artist and the medium, but it is not something you can easily quantify in a finished piece of work. And it is not something you necessarily carry with you consciously.

"It is not as if you are saying during the act of creation, "So and so loves me and supports what I do, so this is going to be great!" It is not like that at all."

It is like a residual scent of the love given from without. It is like perfume that can lightly intermingle with the work while it is being completed.

Liz: This sounds waaaay beyond my own life and work, haha. Even a bit 'mystical'?

Takuin: Well, I don't know about 'mystical', because the influence of one loving human being upon another is not mystical at all. It is just that the results of that love, speaking in terms of the creation of some kind of art, cannot be predicted. We cannot say it produces a specific kind of result. That is all.

But even so, I am convinced that something can take place between the artist and the work which is the result of one's encounters with others.

L: Do you think that a hateful person can also have a similar effect on the work?

TM: Oh, absolutely. But in both cases, I think either influence can be wonderful for the work in the end, whether it is pain or pleasure.

It is not easy to explain, but even if it were easy to explain, I am not sure knowing it would be very helpful to an artist. Oh, but I never answered your question!

L: HEY! That is right!

TM: I did not really have direct, active support in any of my writing, so it is difficult to say. Would the work be different had the circumstances been changed? Who knows? There is the possibility, but I don't want to make this confusing, because what I am talking about has no direct effect on the work. It is not about sentence structure, choosing the better word, or ruthlessly editing and killing your darlings. It is none of that.

L: If it is an 'act of creation' kind of thing, then this influence must also be present in other forms of art, correct?

TM: It is something the artist, the human being, carries with him/her, so any creative endeavor could potentially carry that influence. So yes.

L: Was it at all discouraging to be without the kind of support we're talking about here?

TM: Currently? No. But as a child, absolutely. I can clearly see the decisions I made growing up - the various forks in the road - and how those decisions were influenced by that lack of support. It was not a lack of love or anything. But I think it is difficult for some people to understand the mind of a young artist, or expressive human being.

"It is far easier to beat that mind down so it will conform to the norm, as opposed to opening up and trying to really understand something truly different and potentially remarkable."

But that is so common in our world. Those that are different are beaten back in order to keep the status quo chugging right along. It takes great strength to resist that, especially when it comes from those you love. It is a hurdle many young people may never be able to clear.

L: And how did you resist that as a young man?

TM: I didn't, haha. I was beaten back sufficiently. But I always had secrets up my sleeve. I had my own underground railroad of escape routes, which I kept separate from my 'regular' life. Eventually I became the person hiding in those dank tunnels, and it became a part of my regular life, but I had to keep the truth of the thing from everyone, or at least, most people. I just didn't want to hear the bullshit about how I was wasting my time...

Even though I allowed creativity to surface, I only let it go so far; out of fear, I suppose. It was far easier to keep it all to myself. At least in that way, no one would ever give me any shit or tell me how odd my ideas or creations were. But unfortunately, timidity became my nature, and all because I could not feel the strength to say the hell with it and just do what I wanted to do.

L: And what is it you wanted to do? What were those interests or those creations?

TM: More than anything else, I was born a musician. The first time I sat behind a set of drums, I could play. The first time someone set a musical score in front of me, I could read. I have a nearly perfect memory for sounds I have heard a handful of times. It takes no effort for me, and it is really beyond my control.

"I still need to practice, and if I don't read for a long time the ability diminishes, just like with anyone else. But music has always been easy for me, and with those major difficulties out of the way, I could focus on deeper things."

L: Like what?

TM: Well, there are technical elements of music that any musician must master to some degree. What they play and how they play it determines exactly how deeply they need to go into those things, of course.

Kurt Cobain had a completely different set of technical considerations from say, Jaco Pastorius. But both of them were able to deeply explore beyond what came easy to them. Certain aspects were easy for Kurt, just as certain aspects were easy for Jaco, but the importance of what they created went beyond those things, as they were able to deeply explore the other side.

Speaking of myself, I could safely ignore certain aspects of music to some degree, because it took very little effort for me to get a handle on them. With those considerations out of the way, I could focus on trying to find interesting means of expression.

If you never have to study or practice ear training, or if you have to put very little time into learning scales and so on, it frees up a hell of a lot of time, haha. I still practice those things from time to time ... well, NEVER ear training ... I'd rather shoot myself in the ass. But luckily, ear training is something I have never had to worry about. ;-)

I tested out of those things when I first got to Berklee anyway ...

L: What was it like to attend Berklee?

TM: It wasn't an overwhelmingly positive experience for me. But I think that had more to do with the person I was in those days. The best part of going to Berklee was the exposure to musicians from all over the world. I learned far more from them than I ever did from the curriculum. Also, If I had not gone to Berklee, I probably would not be in Japan right now. So it all worked out just fine in the end, haha.

L: Were you a good student?

TM: Hell no! I don't think I have ever been a good institutionalized learner.

I assumed, before I got there, that Berklee would solve all of my problems as a musician. I mean, hey, it IS Berklee after all. But unfortunately, I had to take ME with me, haha. If I could have gone, and left me at home, it would have been far better for everyone.

L: Why is that?

TM: Although I had a good exterior, I had no real confidence in myself. Regardless of my abilities.

"I think I always felt like a fraud, as if someone might suss me out at any moment, and point at me screaming like Donald Sutherland at the end of 'Invasion of the Body Snatchers'."

Somewhere in my mind, I never thought I was good enough to be at Berklee. I could not see it then, but I can see that clearly now. I was always good at hiding those feelings, though.

I was very weak when it came to believing in what I could accomplish. And that feeling stayed with me in so many areas of my life, for a very long time. I just couldn't seem to get away from it.

L: And that had to do with that lack of support we spoke of earlier ...

TM: Amongst other things, yes.

L: OK.

How then, did you become a writer?

TM: By accident. I think I was always interested in writing something, but I was never quite sure what I wanted that something to be.

For awhile I assumed if one wanted to express themselves with the written word, one would choose fiction. After that I thought non-fiction was the way to go. Then screenplays. Then poetry. I could never pin down what it was I wanted to write.

After the accident of December 2006, it all took care of itself, I suppose. I was compelled to write, with no real worries of literary merit, haha.

I don't know if I effectively expressed myself in words, or if I was even understood most of the time. But something did come of it, and my focus nowadays, as far as writing is concerned, is to express something different than before, while never discarding the tools I developed in writing at Takuin.com for the last six years.

L: I could always 'feel' something through your writing, and sometimes it WAS difficult to understand. But I think there was always a directness in your words, no matter how many of them you used. I am very interested in seeing what you come up with next!

TM: So am I, haha!

L: Let's change the subject.

The kind of work you've done at Takuin.com ... do you think that is something you can just easily walk away from?

TM: I don't look at it in that way. I don't think of it as 'walking away'.

As human beings, we evolve, take on new shapes, forge new paths and leap in new directions. And while it may be a definite change in direction as far as content is concerned, it is still an extension of what I am. It is just a turning of the cheek, or seeing the face for the first time in deep shadow as opposed to bright light.

During my skype calls, emails, or face to face meetings, I was always fond of saying something to the effect of, "If someone is a teacher, spiritual or otherwise, they should be more interested in LOSING followers as opposed to acquiring them."

"To keep followers, to acquire them, put them in the fridge and hope they don't expire too soon, is to live without evolution; just another form of security, both for the teacher and the student."

If a teacher cannot give you the tools to discover and explore on your own, within a year - perhaps two - then what the hell are they doing? I'll tell you ... wasting your time! And this is, of course, also the responsibility of the student.

For the teacher to remain there is to be stuck ... to wilt on the vine. And the same goes for the student. To hope for freedom from their favorite source, is to be stuck. To live without curiosity and care. Gentleness. Suppleness. Whatever you might want to say.

Had I kept writing in the same way as I always had, it would not have been right. I would have been just another jackass (and perhaps I am anyway), clutching desperately to what has become comfortable.

Just. Isn't. Right.

It is the nature of human beings to grow and evolve. And most of us spend our days fighting this natural impulse.

L: Would you do anything differently if you could go back and do it over again?

TM: No. No way.

That is an impossibility, really. In exploration, there is no going back. It is all encompassing. And while things may arise differently on a different day, the nature of exploration makes it silly to regret anything one has seen or not seen.

And besides, doing things differently implies also there is a 'good' result, or a finish line. And if a seeker, during some part of their journey, feels like they keep running their head into a wall, that is usually the reason.

L: You mean, because of a desired result?

TM: Yes.

L: Well, what can they do about it?

TM: Smell the flowers. Find someone they love, and spend time with them. Embrace a friend that truly needs them. Teach a child that the stupidity of the adults surrounding them is not their fault. Eat dessert while looking out into the ocean...

L: That won't sound very spiritual to a seeker, haha!

TM: And that is why they will fail.

***************

This interview series will continue in future posts.

Interview with Takuin ~ Part 1 of ?

Two long time readers at Takuin.com approached me at the beginning of the year and asked if they could interview me for my own website. Sounded interesting to me, so I said yes. The three of us have spent the last few weeks emailing back and forth, and these posts are the result of those emails. In reading over this interview, I seem to be more personal than I expected, if that is the right way to say it. And I hope anything I say is not misinterpreted. But if any of you need clarity, please post in the comments below and I'll do my best to clear it up.

The questions in this particular post, were asked by Jake.

Jake: Tell us about your path to becoming a spiritual teacher.

Takuin: There was no path, and as I see it, I was never a spiritual teacher. I understand that some people might say otherwise, and that is fine. But at no time have I ever thought of myself as a spiritual teacher.

My only real concern was to learn how to speak...so to speak. Not the physical means of speaking, but rather, the way I might make sense of an event that seemed to make no sense at all.

J: And what was that event?

TM: Some have called it awakening, liberation, or enlightenment, amongst other things. It took place on December 1st, 2006. I place no real importance on the event itself...

J: I have heard you say that before, but first I want to ask what about that event made no sense?

TM: Well, any kind of awakening, or whatever we call it, is a leap beyond logic. It is beyond what we know, in any meaningful way. It has been called many things but as it is a leap beyond, it can never be captured.

A major problem of the spiritual seeker is the desperate need to understand the realization; to understand something essentially beyond the powers of understanding. The only thing the seeker can do is make the awakening into something understandable, and therefore, allow themselves the potential opportunity to chase it down. But unfortunately, they can never actually chase awakening; they can only chase their ideas of awakening.

J: So the seeker is not actually seeking enlightenment, but their idea of what enlightenment is?

TM: That is it, right there.

J: After that 'accident' happened to you, you must have been curious, right? Did you seek out anyone for answers, or at least try to find some explanation of what happened to you?

TM: I did, but that probably lasted about a week. Even though I had no idea what this thing was that happened, I could clearly see the workings of this mind. And when I heard the explanations from others, telling me 'your experience was this, your experience was that', it was all meaningless.

"What was I to do? When they told me it was this or that, whether I accepted it, rejected it, or did nothing, I was still the same creature. It did not touch the life that was there."

I suspected that if there were discoveries of any kind, they would be made alone, beyond the muddy paw prints of others.

That turned out to be fairly true.

J: Do you think it is a trap impossible to break out of? I mean, the wheel within wheel way the search seems to go on?

TM: Clearly it is not impossible to leave behind, but the cost is great. The seeker IS the search, and you cannot separate the two. If one hopes to escape the search (which is itself a search), one has to die to what they have known, and that effectively kills the need for enlightenment in the first place.

But ending the search can be a trick, too. For most people it is like holding a live hand grenade behind their backs and thinking, "As long as I don't see it, it is ok to keep holding on to it."

J: And when it blows up, they grab another grenade with their remaining good hand!

TM: Haha...yes...

Just drop it, already. ;-)

J: You mentioned earlier that you place no real importance on your 'accident'. Why do you think that is?

TM: What about it is important? We can look at it, and analyze it from a distance...

We can say, life changed, and you lived differently than you would have. Possibly yes, possibly no. We can say, you would have never written all of those words without that accident. Sure, I can see that. We can say, you would have never met the people you have met over the past 5 years. Probably true. And so on. But why is that so important? The specifics, I mean.

A million other things could have happened on that same day, and each one could have led to an interesting life. That doesn't invalidate any of life's particular circumstances, but life and living are not the analysis of life and living.

That kind of analysis is just another way for us to solidify a vague aspect into something solid so we might be able to deal with it better.

It is an act of war.

J: Why do you say that?

TM: Once a target becomes solid, you can build turrets and defences. You can also learn how to manipulate the thing for your own personal gain.

If we are speaking about enlightenment, it is necessary to make it into something in order to take it. And that is why so much time is spent with words, trying to understand it. You cannot take what you cannot understand.

"People want to know what it looks like, what are the symptoms, what are the smells, the sensations, the lightness or the heaviness, or whatever it is. Why do they so desperately want to know these things?"

J: Maybe because if they have those sign posts, they'll know when they are getting close to the destination?

TM: Yes!

And what does that mean? What are they actually getting close to?

J: An idea?

TM: An idea handed to them. I have heard it called second-hand living, and that is not far from the truth.

J: So could we also say, they are looking for something, searching for something they have already created? They create the idea of what enlightenment should be, then look for the idea they just came up with? Is that right?

TM: That's it.

J: That is fucking cruel! Haha...

TM: It is.

But I don't want to be cruel about it myself, because the spiritual seeker already has enough to deal with. It is the ultimate abusive relationship, with the ultimate asshole spouse. ;-)

The reality of it is cruel enough, so I don't care to make it worse.

J: We've talked a number of times on Skype, and I've never found you to be cruel. Have you heard that you're cruel from other people?

TM: Not really, no.

It is always difficult with the written word, you know...it is sometimes hard to hear the tone of the words. It is easy to misinterpret.

I have been told that I am unsympathetic, which I don't entirely disagree with. I can understand that one. But I am largely supportive of the people I speak with. For me, even if spiritual seeking is an impossibility, I love hearing stories and love listening to others talk about their own searching and where it has taken them. And I really don't think people come to me for answers, anyway. Sometimes they have, but that is an attitude I do not tolerate easily.

J: That has always been a problem for teachers I think (even though you say you don't think of yourself as one); those students that want a pointer, versus the ones that want to have their hands held and be told how to do it.

TM: I don't know how difficult it is for teachers. Many seem to be in the business of accumulation, anyway; to get more and more students to spread their light across the world or whatever it is.

It seems to me, if one is a spiritual teacher, their goal should be to lose their students, and not keep them.

J: How so?

TM: If I am a teacher, and the same people keep coming to me year after year, asking the same questions, then what the hell am I doing? Certainly some of that responsibility is on the student, but that would also be my failure as a teacher. If I can't give a student the tools they need to learn on their own, to explore on their own, within a single year, that is my fault.

If that were the case, I should just give up and go fishing or something.

J: Haha! Nice!

You started Takuin.com in December of 2006, a few weeks after your accident. And by my calculations, you've written over 320 articles. But recently you've talked about stepping away from all of that. Why did you decide to give it up?

TM: It is not a matter of giving up anything, necessarily. The site for me was a vehicle of exploration, and it still is.

Originally, the whole point of making Takuin.com was to find a way to speak, or to make sense of the senseless, as I said earlier. But that quickly changed when I realized that could never happen.

"So somewhere along the line, it changed into an exploration of many things, but the underlying subject was always one of enlightenment, more or less."

Looking back into older posts, I cannot really see a progression, or a change of any kind. But I do see how my writing has changed from chunky to sparse. And that seems to be the direction I am moving in now.

J: What direction is that?

TM: I am learning that verbosity is not necessary. At all. Fewer and fewer words are needed to fully express living, and that is where all of this is headed. I don't know exactly what this means, and I don't know exactly how this will express itself at Takuin.com, but it will happen soon.

Besides, I have never really been the kind of writer that plans what he is going to say, so I will not know where this is headed until it comes out. I'll be just as surprised as you will, Jake.

J: Are you worried about losing the readers you've gained over the last 5 years?

TM: Not at all. If they stay, read, comment, and involve themselves in what I am doing, I'll love them. And if they leave for greener pastures, I'll still love them. I do suspect that many will leave, however.

Just from my own observation, I seem to have primarily two kinds of readers; those interested in exploration, and those wanting to be told what to do. I have no interest in doling out objectives and praising them as rules of living. It is horrifying and unfair, as it stifles and kills one's ability to explore and truly live for themselves. I will no longer take part in any of that.

J: Have you done that?

TM: Not to that extent. At least I hope not! I have always avoided telling anyone how to do something...how to get this or that, and so on. I have always attempted to turn it back onto them, because everything they hope to see is there already.

J: Was there a specific moment that led to this decision? Or was it something that slowly happened over time?

TM: I think it was a gradual thing. But there may have been a final straw. I am still undecided about whether or not what I observed was the defining moment, but it certainly didn't help, haha.

J: What was it?

TM: As you can probably imagine, Japan is a popular place for foreigners to visit for spiritual reasons. Perhaps not as popular as India, but still, there is a lot of that activity going on here. So it is not terribly difficult to find spiritual seminars and retreats and that sort of thing, if you know where to look.

I sometimes like to go to those places to watch people. I won't pay to get in to a seminar, but I like to find a place out of view and just watch the people in attendance.

"I like to see that activity; the movement, the action, all taking place in a rather concentrated space."

Early last year, I was sitting at just such an event. I saw a group of about 10 to 15 people sitting in some kind of meditation. One of them had a small child, maybe 5 or 6 years old. And children, being children, are not always so keen on sitting still and saying OM, or whatever. The father of the child kept trying to get the boy to sit still, and there was a bit of a struggle there.

Finally, the boy asked, "What are you doing?"

The father replied, "Trying to meditate."

The boy asked, "Why?"

The father, a bit frustrated answered, "Because I want to be happy."

Then the father said something that stunned me...

"And if you want to be happy, you'll have to do the same thing."

I. Was. Horrified.

I have told this story to a few people, and most of them don't think of it as such a big deal. But to me this was horrific. I was nearly in tears.

How dare he. How dare he set up his child in a fruitless search, teaching him to believe that, on his own, he is inadequate. I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"Is that what we want for our children? For them to conform to a system? Do we want to teach them in order to be good, to be happy, they must perform actions in the same manner as everyone else? If the child fails to do this, what will they think of themselves?"

I sat with that event for some time. I am not saying it was the sole reason for my decision, but it did cause me to stop for a bit and explore.

And to be fair, there is no way to know if the child even heard what his father said. It could have been in one ear, and out the other...

...but I really doubt that.

J: At first glance I would've been tempted to say, "Big deal," but I see where you are coming from.

As far as changing direction, did your family and friends support this change? Or is this even something you would have talked to them about?

TM: I mentioned this to one or two people, but it wasn't anything I felt the need to really talk about with anyone. And to be honest, I do not think anyone in my family has ever read anything I have written. We have certainly never really talked about it, but not for any particular reason.

J: They've never read anything? Are you serious?

TM: I can't know for sure, because as I said, we have not talked about it. But I am fairly certain of that.

I don't feel bad about it at all. They don't ask me for spiritual advice, and they don't think I am any more strange than I always have been, so it is fine.

I think I prefer it this way. My friends and my family really know nothing of what I have written, and that is just fine. And if they ever ask what I have been doing, I just say I have been writing and growing my beard, and that is good enough for them. ;-)

***************

This interview continues in the next post.

November Project 2011 Finale

This post wraps up the November Project 2011. Now that there have been a few days of space, and as I sit here looking over the posts for November, I think the project went quite well.

I would like to thank everyone for all their wonderful questions. I could not use them all, but I am grateful for every one. And special thanks goes to everyone taking part in the comments. It is always good to see others give themselves over to the questions in order to look deeper into them.

Thanks very much!

For those of you new to the site, and to the veterans unable to read the earlier posts, the following list contains all of the writings for the November Project 2011, in order.

The November Project 2011

01: On Dropping Thought

02: The State of Non-Duality

03: Burning the Notebooks

04: Quick Thoughts on Living

05: Questions Answered - Again!

06: On Increased Awakenings

07: Quick Reply on Living

08: Life After Death

09: What Are You Reading?

10: Confused About Enlightenment

11: In Sickness

12: Belief

13: On Writing at Takuin.com

14: On Freedom

15: On Meditation

16: On Dreaming

17: On the Earthquake and Tsunami of March 11, 2011

18: On Finding Out for Yourself

19: Where Should I Sit?

20: On Siddhis and Super-Powers ;-)

21: Takuin on Film

22: On Conclusion

23: On Apophis, Natural Resources, and Love

24: On Haters and Troublemakers

25: On Enlightenment and Awakening

26: On Ending

27: Ask the Reader

28: On Questions

29: On Suffering

30: One Last Sentence

Thanks again, everyone! ;-)

And for those of you coming to these posts late, please keep this in mind: Quick Note on Comments

The Woods

One Last Sentence

November Project: Question #30 This last post for the November Project is a combination of two questions

First:

I know you'll be leaving soon, in a manner of speaking. Do you have any last words of advice for us seekers?

And second:

If you had only one sentence you could say to the spiritual seeker, what would you say?

Well, I won't leave...just move on with life. I won't stop posting here and I won't shut down the site. And I am sure there will be many more interesting conversations with all of you, so in some respects it might seem the same, or at least similar to what came before. But my own explorations have taken me far from where I began, and to remain any longer would be insincere.

Last words of advice sounds morbid, or at least far too dramatic. And I don't care for unnecessary drama. So let's say, the entirety of this website (330 posts, counting this one) are my last words of advice. ;-)

And as far as one last sentence for the seeker...it is difficult. It is not the kind of thing you can create a set answer for. Well, people create set answers all the time, but that is like taking medium size pants and expecting the entire world to fit in them.

Certain things are immutable, but they are only relevant in relation to one's exploration. And that can take on forms difficult to imagine. So it is probably best to leave the 'answers' to the 'experts', and just get on with your life and your own explorations. An expert with an answer will never compare to the beauty that is you, anyway. ;-)

For my one last sentence, I will quote jazz/fusion guitar legend, Scott Henderson. He is speaking about technique, but this can relate to anything we experience in life. Some of you might not get it, but it means something to me.

"I would rather hear Albert King drop his guitar on the floor than hear some jazz guy play streams of eighth notes with no rhythms. It is boring."

That distills my thoughts on life quite nicely.

Walkway to Kotobukiya

On Suffering

November Project: Question #29 This question comes from a good friend through email

I have asked the same questions over and over. I don't think I care as much for 'enlightenment' as for end of suffering. I have heard there is light at the end of tunnel. What if the tunnel is lifelong? What does one do if one feels like a tiny little lost being so panicked by life that the cosmos feels like an alien, uncaring thing?

I think you've done this long enough to know any answer given by an outside authority will do nothing for you.

How many times have you asked these questions? To how many different people? What have their answers done for you?

You've listened to those people, and at the time I am sure their answers were reasonable to you. Do this, do that. Avoid this, avoid that. And you have done those things. Yet, still here you are with the same questions, the same wants, the same suffering.

And how many times have you asked inwardly? And what questions have you asked?

Why do you struggle so with living, even though you are designed to do it perfectly?

The problem is not yours. It is not your fault. But you give it so much energy and make it into something seemingly insurmountable. Why do you do this? Is it just the accumulation of what, deep down, you believe are the bad decisions you have made? Do you wish you would have done this, or should have done that? Or perhaps you feel you could have done more than you have? What is it?

We have talked many times. I am telling you, there is no deficiency in your functioning. You have the same limited base that I have. Although you and I come from different countries, and were raised in entirely different cultures, our base is the same. What you are searching for is there within you. The only difficulty is, no one else is capable of telling you how to see it, or how to find it.

You've done all the tricks, taken all the tips, and listened to so many people, Takuin included. And I love you dearly. But you have to do this alone.

It is true, some people can listen to or read teachings and remove some degree of their suffering. I do not think you are one of those people. Your brain is far too clever for that. It knows what to do, but you have allowed the stories of others to cover over the beauty of that functioning. Even though your intelligence is vast and your mind is sharp, it will succumb to the weakness of your belief and fear.

Forget about the cosmos and if it is uncaring. That is only your attribute, projected on to infinity. Whenever you look out, point out, search out, you are getting away from what is precious, and that is your life and the love you can give everyone.

Please, set aside what you've been told, set aside your inaction, and just take the first step. You will not fall. You can be afraid, uneasy, uncertain, all of that. It is ok. But you will not fall.

Please do this...

Snow and Water

On Questions

November Project: Question #28 This question comes from Brooks through email

Is there a question you've been surprised no one has asked?

Well...not really.

What surprises me is people rarely ask themselves the questions they pose to me. And I have always found that baffling. Sure, there is really no way for me to know if they have asked themselves the same questions, but after spending five years listening and speaking, I think I have a good sense for the amount of inquiry many might allow for themselves.

It is never deep enough, it seems.

It reminds me of a story about the writer Gabriel Garcia Marquez. When he read the first line of the Kafka story The Metamorphosis, it almost knocked him out of his bed. [The first line reads, 'As Gregor Samsa awoke that morning from uneasy dreams, he found himself transformed in his bed into a gigantic insect.' ~ TM]

Garcia Marquez said of the line,

"When I read the line I thought to myself that I didn't know that anyone was allowed to write things like that. If I had known, I would have started writing a long time ago."

What he says is so telling: 'I didn't know that anyone was allowed to write things like that.'

This kind of thinking follows people into their inquiry. It is almost as if they need a certain 'permission' in order to proceed, and I could never understand that. If someone is serious, then surely, they'll explore themselves thoroughly. It might not come to them all at once, and I can understand why. But you don't stop, if you are serious.

And I absolutely understand one might be limited to the questions and restrictions of their conditioning. So it very well may be out of their experience entirely to ask a different kind of question. But if they want to see a different 'answer', they'll need to ask a different question. And nothing is stopping them from doing so, at any time.

Delicious Plates

Recently on Twitter (it was actually about an hour ago) I had a little conversation over something I tweeted more than a year ago. The tweet itself reads,

#liesyoushouldntfallfor I am the right guru, and I can bring you true freedom.

The conversation on Twitter was just to clarify what I meant. I was asked,

Q1: How best 2 know it's a lie?; 2: what lies r ok?

And I answered with,

Is there a 'right' guru? Can anyone bring you true freedom? Does true freedom actually exist? No one seems to ask these questions.

It isn't that people have not asked me those questions. It IS rare, but they have asked. But they never seem to ask themselves the same questions. And those are good questions, damn it! Don't waste them on me! Explore them within yourselves! ;-)

A few years ago on a Skype call someone asked me a similar question to, Can someone else set me free? (Or Can freedom be given to me? Something like that.) My answer was, Have you asked yourself? I'll never forget his reply:

But I want you to tell me.

My reply was something like, No. I can't tell you. You have the question, and you seem to be curious about all of this. That is all you need to begin.

If there is any final message on this subject it is this: Any question you receive from Takuin is in no way better than any question you might receive from yourself. In fact, yours is better. You gave it a life and a mission of its own. Takuin didn't.

Thanks for the question, Brooks.

Ask the Reader

November Project: Question #27 I received this in my email inbox just a few minutes ago from James

I can't imagine the number of questions you must get all the time, nevermind this November project. But I wonder if you have a question for your readers? My question is, what one question would you like to ask your readers?

Hmm...interesting. I like this. :-)

My question for the readers is one that no one has ever asked me.

What concerns you in your daily lives?

Whether this concern blocks you off from what you consider daily life, or is an integrated part, however you might see it, what concerns you? Forget for the moment if you believe your concerns to be selfish or of no real importance, or even if you believe those concerns to be illusory...I don't care about that...

I would just like to know, as human beings running around living your lives, what is it that concerns you? To be good parents? To be enlightened? To get laid? To make a name for yourselves? Or something else entirely? What is it?

And I ask this question with love. It is in no way accusatory, nor asked to make you think you are not doing enough in the 'right' areas.

I am really looking forward to your replies, as simple or complicated as they might be.

On Ending...

November Project: Question #26 Another grouping of questions, all with similar answers. I'll put them together and see what comes up...

#1)

You've been writing here at takuin.com for almost five years. Do you think you'll continue to write on these subjects for another five years?

#2)

What did you mean by this comment? "I think I have said all I want to say on this subject. It is almost time to walk out into the sun…" [On the previous post On Enlightenment and Awakening ~ TM] Did you mean you were finished with your answer for that particular post, or are you quitting the site? I didn't quite understand it.

There have also been more than a few comments during this November Project amounting to this:

#3)

How can I get what you have attained?

I'll answer all three quickly, then give a bit more detail.

For #1: "Do you think you'll continue to write on these subjects for another five years?"

I definitely will not. In fact, I am thinking five years is quite enough.

For #2: "Did you mean you were finished with your answer for that particular post, or are you quitting the site?"

I am not quitting the site, no. But I am finished answering those kind of questions.

And for #3: "How can I get what you have attained?"

See #2. :-)

I will write more on this in a later post after the November Project is finished. But I will say a few things now...

I don't know that 'answering questions' is what I have done on this site. I like to think of it more as exploration. After all, I began Takuin.com for the purposes of learning how to speak...umm...so to speak. ;-) It has been hit or miss, and some days have been better than others, but I think I have done what I set out to do.

When we get down to it, I think I am finished talking about freedom, as I would much rather express it. And we all know, deep down, talking about something is not the same as expression. 'Talking about' is prevarication, or at least postponement or procrastination in a way. Expression, while it may be dependent upon words or some other physical medium, is not dependent upon description. And THAT is what currently interests me.

I know this will come as a shock to a great many of you. And I am not leaving the site, and I will keep writing. But it will not be the same as before. It is just time to move on...

But for now, we still have a few more posts before the end of this year's November Project, so let's make them good ones!! I am still accepting questions you know. Chop chop! Let's go! :-)

Inside Yoyogi Koen

On Enlightenment and Awakening

November Project: Question #25 This question comes from A, from the comments on the post On Conclusion

Why do you think the accident [regarding awakening ~ TM] happened to you?

Thanks for your question, A.

I don't see it as something that 'happened to me'.

There are beginnings and endings throughout life. They happen to you all the time, even if you cannot see them. Perhaps it was nothing more than that.

Enlightenment will never 'happen to you'. That is not what it is. It is not like getting a raise at work, nor is it like winning the lottery.

It is the wind touching your face. The baby crying in the street. All the things you love, and all the things you hate.

It is all the reasons you want to leave. It is all the reasons you want to stay. It is all of your regret, and all that you have let go.

It is the first time you cried in sorrow. It is the first time you smiled with joy. It is the friends you see everyday, and the friends you will never see again.

It is all you've ever wanted. It is all you've never wanted. It is the first time you held your mother's hand, and it is also the last.

If you've been looking for something to happen to you, and you've only met with frustration, why not take a break? Or stop altogether...

Live your beautiful life while you have the chance. The necessary components are already present within you. ;-)

Faces of Buddha

On Haters and Troublemakers

November Project: Question #24 This question was asked by TJ during a recent Skype call

In my own 'spiritual' writing I've had some problems dealing with haters and troublemakers, and I can't really handle it well. It totally gets under my skin and it makes me want to block comments or start over. What do you do to get over that kind of stuff, and why do you think they do it in the first place?

Thanks for the question, TJ.

I hope I'm not being forgetful, but I honestly don't remember having much of a problem with that on the website. There certainly have been incidents, but it has not been terribly mean-spirited.

Those problems mainly arise because of the interpretation of the reader. The writer is certainly involved in there, too, so one can't remove oneself completely. The writer always has some degree of responsibility.

There are certain subjects that invite intense reaction. If you talk about belief, reincarnation, life after death, god, or religion, and you say something contrary to popular belief, prepare yourself, haha. People will come out of the woodwork to tell you why you're wrong. And sometimes you might actually be wrong, so you can't just instantly dismiss anything they say.

As a writer of that kind of material, you should always be questioning yourself anyway. So if you take those comments as new lines of investigation, and you can invite the commenter to share in further exploration, it will only be better for everyone involved.

But sometimes, a troll is a troll is a troll. And our blogs allow us to block anyone we wish. Feel free to exercise that right. :-)

Always remember to be open, but in the end it is your house. If you don't want someone there, feel free to throw them out. Just don't be an asshole about it.

As far as why they do what they do...they're simply asserting their beliefs. They believe something different from what you say. For whatever reason, your words become a threat to who they believe themselves to be. After all, if you point out something within them that destroys a particular belief, you are in effect destroying the person.

When we look out into the world, it is easy to see how this plays out in terrible ways...

Thanks for your question, TJ.

Breakers and the Water

On Apophis, Natural Resources, and Love

November Project: Question #23 Today let's do something different. Multiple questions, multiple answers. These particular questions I did not plan to answer. But I thought, What the hell? Why not?

This might not interest you, but I thought i'd ask anyway. First, what do you think of the possibility of apophis striking the earth in 2036? [She's referring to 99942 Apophis ~ TM] And second, if an impact seems imminent what do you think humanity will do?

Well, the chances of Apophis striking the earth are 1 in 250,000, so we're probably safe. BUT, I don't like those odds, haha. Usually when scientists give us the odds, the numbers are so high we can't really understand them in any significant way. But 250,000 is a number very easy to get our heads around. I don't like that I understand it as well as I do. ;-)

But even if Apophis strikes the earth, it is not an Extinction Event sized asteroid. It is a 10 - 20 million death sized asteroid, in all probability. But that is really dependent upon where it strikes, if it does.

What will humans do if the strike is imminent? Probably wait till the last moment, work frantically to try and stop it, then when millions die lament, "We did the best we could!" But that is just based on human behavior in general. ;-)

I've heard we're coming up to our last reserves of oil for the entire planet. Do you think its too late to avoid the horrible things that will happen when the oil runs dry?

Depending on what source you trust, the earth's supply of oil will be completely tapped within 30 to 70 years. I tend to think it will run dry sooner rather than later, for one main reason...

Humans will not stop screwing.

The more humans born, the more resources needed. And since the number of humans brought into the world will only increase, the amount of resources needed to support them will also increase.

The general theme for resources has been, when you run out, or do not have what you think you need, you take it from someone else.

For example - and purely hypothetical, of course - if a particular nation has certain resources the rest of the world depends on in certain amounts, and if they put a strangle hold on said resources, another more powerful nation(s) might invade and take the resources, through force, for their own use. Now normally, people all over the world might stand up against such oppression. But if they can be convinced the invasion is for the right reasons, they'll keep their mouths shut.

But thankfully, we're only speaking hypothetically.

As I mentioned in the Apophis question above, historically, humans tend to wait until the last minute to act. And at that point, the only method for change is violence. This is mostly due to the stupidity running through thought that says, "It is not so bad. I'm sure someone will take care of it." And maybe that was fine years ago, but we can no longer afford to be lazy in this way.

Only you can take care of this problem. And by YOU, I mean EVERYONE.

If we keep to what we've always done, when we run out of resources we'll see horrors that would frighten Hitler and Mengele. And they'll be committed in the name of some noble pursuit.

Tokyo Daibutsu Dark

Do you think you love more, or have more love, after your awakening?

What is love to you? Is it dependent upon the past? Dependent upon a history you have with a particular person? I bring it up because that is how a great many people see it. And many say that is love. But it is familiarity.

We might ask, is love dependent upon familiarity? Can you not love a person you are not familiar with? Or is it simply a matter of what you prefer?

Can there be more or less love? Or is it more or less familiarity?

Thanks for the questions, everyone!

On Conclusion

November Project: Question #22 This question comes from Liz through the contact form

The other day you were talking about questioning and exploration [On Skype ~ TM].  You said something to the effect of 'Exploration is life', or, 'Through exploration you will find life'. Could you talk about that a little bit more?

Thanks for the question, Liz. And you caught me at a good time, because I remember that conversation. ;-) I think we were talking about the question, the exploration, and the conclusion, and how that whole movement comes about.

As far as our Skype conversation is concerned, here is how we left it:

The Question is what puts the unit into action. It is the Big Bang. The inception. [In our conversation, we used the Big Bang theory as an analogy. And I'm not quite sure we decided it was appropriate, did we Liz? ;-) ~ TM ]

The Exploration is the movement or the action leaving the question behind to do as it will. It is the expansion of the universe. 

And the Conclusion is the death of action. The Big Freeze, or the Big Crunch, or whatever it happens to be in the end.

So we have birth, life, and death, so to speak.

I won't go into all the details here, but we ended our Skype conversation with a question: Is there a way of living that is all explosion, all exploration, all expansion? Is explosion, in fact, life itself?

We also asked, Liz, is it possible to live without conclusion? (Which is really the same question as above.) We can only really explore these questions if we understand what is meant by the word conclusion, or at least the way we are using it.

You can see this movement of inception, explosion, and conclusion in everything. We might use different names for it, but it is there. Even with thought it is there. Thought rises in reaction, it moves about frantically or not so frantically, and dies with our conclusions of the movement. 

Of the three, conclusion is the most detrimental to humanity, if we are speaking in terms of thinking. And it is only a detriment if you want humanity to survive :-) . 

Fly on Leaf

Hate is a conclusion. Racism is a conclusion. Our destruction of nature and wildlife is a conclusion. All the things we do to destroy the only world we know are built from our conclusions.

There is nothing really 'wrong' with thought or thinking, illusory or not. I know many teachers would like you to think otherwise, but thought is not necessarily the problem, at least not directly.

Thought is not alone, after all. It has something living with it. A cancer that has grown out of hand. Another thought, thinking it is somehow different from all the rest. Thinking that it is in control. Thinking it is in charge.

It is this cancer that concludes. It says, "I am better than you. I deserve to take what you have. My system is better than yours. My color is the best. My god is the best. My teaching is the best. I AM RIGHT."

That is conclusion, and it could very well be the ending of humanity. Well, if a giant asteroid doesn't get us first. ;-)

You might also say knowing that fire will burn you is a conclusion. I can understand that, but it is not what I am talking about here. Sure, that is a kind of conclusion. But conclusion, as I am using the word in our conversation, has someone behind it. It is not knowledge by itself, but knowledge sharpened to a point and ready to be used by a psychopath desperate to stab at something or someone. 

There is a difference between knowledge and a conclusion, at least in the way I am using the word, and I hope it is not terribly confusing to you, Liz.

None of this is a matter of right or wrong as I said to you in the call. It is exploration, and that is all. Conclusion won't really serve us well here, as it is probably best to remain free with what we offer each other. If we have some suspicion or we tend to disagree, we question it, not build another wall. We must remain open, especially toward the things we would rally against. It can be our greatest teaching, after all.

To live a life beyond conclusion (not without conclusion) is a lovely flow. A ride through one continuous moment. It is all exploration because it never ends. It never closes shut.

Thanks for the question, Liz!

Takuin on Film

November Project: Question #21 This question comes from Thom through email

I remember some time ago you mentioned being in an upcoming film. [In this post ~ TM] Whatever happened with that?

Thanks for the question, Thom.

I quit. :-)

Now that I think of it, I never really explained what happened there. I'll give a quick answer to this, as I don't really need to get into the details of what transpired.

I became very uncomfortable with the whole thing. I got an idea of where the film was going, and I did not like it at all. It seemed like it was heading in a new-agey direction, which is fine for them, but that is not what I do.

Not only that, I couldn't seem to give them the material they wanted. It was, "That was great Takuin, but could you talk about that again, and THIS time say something about blah blah blah?"

No. I can't. ;-)

I really do like the idea of film or video or whatever, and I have nothing against other potential projects in the future. Just dont tell me what to do, haha.

On Siddhis and Super-Powers ;-)

November Project: Question #20 This question comes from Brooks through email

Some awakened persons have described certain so-called spiritual powers (or 'siddhis' in the traditional sanskrit) they have come to experience post-enlightenment; which take on a number of different possible attributes like hearing other people's thoughts as an example.

Have you observed any changes that you are aware of that would match this description after your awakening?

Thanks for the question, Brooks.

There are some odd things happening in this body, haha. I wouldn't use the term siddhis, and I certainly wouldn't say spiritual powers. Those are just too corny sounding, and would probably only increase the gap between the speaker and the listener.

I'll tell you some things that go on from time to time, and you can take it from there. These examples may be nothing more than the result of a damaged brain and body, so I wouldn't put too much effort into seeing something not actually here. :-)

I may have mentioned some of these before...

In the past I have described life as happening simultaneously, with no gap or space in-between anything. Many feel life occurs in a step-wise fashion; this moment, then that, and then that; but within this body, there is no step. That gives it the feel of one long, drawn out moment with no clear beginning or end. I wouldn't call it a continuation because it is not really dependent upon the past in that way. It is life, going on.

This does cause some difficulty, though. At times, I have trouble hearing separate sounds. It is as if every sound is apparent to me, all at once, making it impossible to focus on anything other than the entirety. If Akiko is talking to me when this happens, even if she is right next to me and the ambient noise level is normal, I will not hear her. I might as well be deaf. I have to focus on her lips and try reading what she says if I want to understand her. If she is facing away from me while speaking, I will not hear her at all. I won't even know she is speaking.

It is odd.

These are normal events, mind you. It is not as if I am at a loud concert when this happens. It  occurs during everyday life. 

It arises in a specific way. The sound will be separate, and I can hear this or that, just as you might. But for whatever reason, the sounds will slowly begin to meld until all that is left is every sound, which is really the same as no sound at all. Sometimes it comes on fast, and at other times slowly, but it does seem to always happen gradually, regardless of the speed.  

Something else that may be unusual is the amount of heat this body gives off. It is not something I feel myself, and I only know this because of what other people tell me...

I could be sitting, sleeping, talking with someone, or be up to anything really, and it will just happen. There have been times when people have to move away from me due to that heat, and it can be so intense that Akiko can't even hold my hand. 

The Fear of the Blind

Some people have told me it is not necessarily the heat making them uncomfortable, but something they can't quite explain. I don't know what it might be. 

Animals don't seem to mind it though. :-)

You mentioned hearing other people's thoughts as a possible example. I have had similar occurences, but I don't think it is quite the way others have described. Thought is not like a written page that can be read back verbatim. It doesn't really appear to me in that way. It is like a clearly audible sound that does not require ears to hear.

It is not a new-age 'vibration', or an interpreted feeling. It is more like the wind on your cheek.

And as far a reading thoughts, it is more like interception and not reading, if that is the right way to put it.

Let me see if I can describe this...It is not that you 'read' a thought, literally. You intercept a 'reaction'. This is like seeing a telegraphed punch coming toward you in slow-motion. First, it is telegraphed so it is easy to see what is about to happen. And second, it is in slow-motion and you have all the time in the world to intercept, block, dodge, or let it hit you. And I don't want you to take the punching example too literally. I am trying to get close to it, but I'm probably failing, haha.

How about this...it is like answering before the question is asked, or responding without saying a word...

Still not getting close enough. :-)

It is easy to feel this, especially when someone is defensive. I don't know why this is, but there is a certain kind of energy, for lack of a better word, in the defense of the self, that is different. It is very pungent, and is as obvious as the smell of a long dead animal.

Defense is an act of aggression, after all...perhaps that has something to do with it? I really cannot say.

This 'mind reading' is kind of an attunement, if that is the right word. It might stem from a connection to other living things at an imperceptible point. But it is absolutely nothing magical. Too many people use it as a parlor trick for their own personal gain. And some of them do it not knowing it is not special, deluding themselves into thinking they have some gift beyond the norm of humanity. It is not a gift, and it does not make any person better or more important than any other.

I think I will leave it at that. I honestly do not like talking about this very much. Don't get me wrong, I am the one that chose the question, and I don't mind answering at all...

Perhaps my hypocrisy only goes so far? ;-)

Don't know if that answers your question, Brooks, but thanks for asking...