Question of the Week : On Losing the Self
Please please tell me is there a way to lose the way you lost. I am desperate almost...
...I know the theoretical answers. I am not looking for answers. I am looking for peace...
...I have heard answers like no one can help get what you already have, or be what you truly already are... I know those answers. please help.
If you are looking for peace, and you have not found it in the answers, walk away from the answers. Walk away from what you've been taught.
This does not mean you will no longer be serious about what is going on within you. And it does not mean you will have 'given up.' The problem does not reside within you, but within the answers you've been given.
I have heard the answers you've mentioned many times before. The All Is One, You Can Only Be What You Are, Sleeper Awakes From The Dream, or whatever it might be. But these phrases will do nothing to placate you, as you've probably thoroughly investigated them to the best of your ability.
Imagine a painter. She has all of the right tools and equipment, and lacks nothing for the physical exertion necessary to paint. She moves a brush covered in the brightest crimson paint toward blank canvas and leaves a tight, vibrant slash of red. She does not necessarily know where she is going. She may have a vague notion or image, but it is incomplete in her mind.
She understands the act of painting itself is all the teaching she will ever need. If she were ever to ask How? her answer would always be incomplete, because something other than painting would be teaching her how to paint.
That is not to say there is anything wrong with technique; learning how to manage and use materials, how to properly handle oil paint or maintain brushes, or whatever it is; but technique alone can never teach you how to express yourself fully as a human being.
In searching out the answers, you are asking someone else to hand it over to you. And this is wonderful from the perspective of technique, as it is necessary in the physical world. But what you seek is so beyond the physical, it defies description.
It is a land beyond the shores of technique.
I am not sure if these words will be helpful to you, but regardless, I hope you uncover peace for yourself; the peace that resides within us all.
Good luck to you...